Seasons 01 to 08

Please find below Seasons 01 to 08 synopses, including photos, live recordings and posters of special episodes:

 

 

Episode 10.8: No Room At The Inn (Christmas Special: Part 2)
Tuesday 15th December 2015 at Bristol Improv TheatreWith her mobile bakery destroyed, Suzi has lost everything but, after some holy intervention, Harold makes it his mission to help her. Together they journey on a Christmas crusade to find a stable (Mo’s abandoned art gallery), a shepherd (Big Dick Johnson wearing antlers) and three kings (Robin with some stocking fillers) and once a nativity scene is set up, Harold starts charging people to visit, thus raising money to help Suzi get back on her feet.Meanwhile Constance is gloating over Rita who has just discovered her beloved Simpkins has been having an affair! After the women battle for his affections, Simpkins seems destined to choose married, family life with Constance but at the last moment opts for Rita! Bedraggled, Constance seeks the loving embrace of former lover Big Dick Johnson but he’s heartbroken after the departure of Mo. Dick coldly tells Constance he thinks she’s an awful, unfaithful schemer and that there’s no room at his inn tonight. Constance is left to wonder off into the night desperate and alone.
Memorable Moments:
– Live music spawning several improvised songs including Constance and Simpkins’ love rivalry and a climactic final scene as the entire cast repeat the chorus “No room at the inn” at Constance as she leaves.
– A stone paper scissors interpretive dance-off between Rita and Constance.
– The voice of God bantering with Harold (from the offstage microphone).
What will Constance do now that everyone’s turned their backs on her?
Is this money and support a second chance for Suzi?
Will Simpkins remain faithful to Rita now?

Find out in Season 11 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.———————————————————————————————————————————–Episode 10.7: Mo Low, Mo Go (Christmas Special: Part 1)
Tuesday 1st December 2015 at Bristol Improv Theatre
At Suzi’s bakery, Harold is giving Reg an early Christmas present, a ‘Deal Or No Deal’ board game. The whole community pop by to give some relationship advice for the troubled pair and eventually they decide to reunite – but in an open relationship. Meanwhile, Rita is madly in love and so picks up some ’I ♥ SIMPKINS’’ and ‘I ♥ RITA’ t-shirts for Christmas. However, after last week’s dalliance, Constance admits that she finds sex with Simpkins strangely addictive and so sneaks off again to meet him at his hotel, only to be spotted by reporter Robin! Later that night, Rita catches the pair at it!Mo Hunter is reviewing her time in Newtown when she realises that all of her artwork has just been a cry for New Zealand. She becomes increasingly homesick and is on the verge of throwing herself to her death when her long lost love, Gary Baldwin, arrives! The pair express their undying love for each other and, arm-in-arm, depart.Memorable Moments:
– Mo’s homesick hallucinations including Harold doing a Haka, Reg possessed by Gary Baldwin and Robin as New Zealand livestock.
– Constance comparing sex to Simpkins to stepping on a slug – disgusting but you kind of want to try it again.How will Rita be react to Simpkins’ betrayal?
How will Dick react to Mo’s departure?
What will happen in the custody battle between Constance and Simpkins?

Find out in Episode 8 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.———————————————————————————————————————————–Episode 10.6: You Can Get It If You Really Want
Tuesday 17th November 2015 at Bristol Improv TheatreMo and Big Dick Johnson are enjoying an evening together robbing Argos in a thunderstorm when Dick is appalled to discover that Mo’s first love was his cousin, Gary! Dick eventually lets bygones be bygones and the pair make up by tangoing in the rain. Despite their new three-way open relationship, Constance has been left at home to babysit but Harold is round to entertain baby Lambrini. Reg, meanwhile, is struggling to paint the foyer of Simpkins’ new hotel and so ropes Constance and Harold in to help. Whilst working together, Reg and Harold ignite some of their former passion and sneak off for some romance leaving Constance and Simpkins to argue bitterly about their upcoming custody battle. They both leave long, raging messages to their respective lawyers but after another venomous battle of words, can’t resist ripping each other’s clothes off!
Memorable Moments:
– Harold regaling Constance with the touching story of Shakespeare’s Unknown Son.
– Simpkins on the phone to his lawyer, describing the vomit crescendo Constance would cause if she were to win custody of the baby.
– Big Dick and Mo dancing in the thunderstorm to Jimmy Cliff’s reggae classic, You Can Get It If You Really Want.Who will win full custody of baby Ebenezer: Constance or Simpkins?
Have Reg and Harold recovered from the rough patch in their marriage?
Is Dick, Mo and Constance’s three-way open relationship really working?

Find out in Episode 7 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.———————————————————————————————————————————–Episode 10.5: All Blacks and Bonfire Stacks (Bonfire Night Special)
Tuesday 3rd November 2015 at The Bristol Improv Theatre
Mo is ecstatic having just watched her beloved New Zealand win the Rugby World Cup! Whilst she is teaching Robin a haka she stirs up feelings for her first boyfriend, Gary Baldwin, information that Robin seizes on as more juicy gossip for the newspaper.Meanwhile, via pick & mix analogies, Sazz is trying to help Big Dick Johnson decide who he loves more: Mo with whom he has a real connection or Constance with whom he shares a daughter. The two women really have it in for each other and that night at the local Bonfire Night party, between sparklers, toffee apples and fireworks, Constance entices Reg to push Mo into the flames! Big Dick steps in to calm everyone down and appeals for Mo and Constance to stop fighting. The three finally resolve to share eachother’s hearts and therefore start an open relationship together.
Memorable Moments:
– The first ever performance of Closer Each Day in ‘the round’ with a bonfire (made of lengths of tissue paper and a large fan) in the centre.
– Reg and Constance singing an improvised Guy Fawkes song.
– Mo singing a genuine and beautiful haka.Is an open relationship the right choice for Mo, Constance and Big Dick Johnson?
What other gossip can Robin unearth on the community for the newspaper?
Can Sazz learn the difference between an analogy and an allergy?

Find out in Episode 6 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.———————————————————————————————————————————–Episode 10.4: Sexual Sinners and One-Way Mirrors
Tuesday 20th October 2015 at The Bristol Improv TheatreAfter his recent ordeal, Reg has been locked in a room at the hospital with a one-way mirror through which the community take turns to monitor him. However, Harold is still bitter at Reg’s actions and so as revenge, Harold wants to take and circulate an embarrassing naked photo of Reg. During his watch, Harold deviously provokes Reg’s mental fragility, but he goes too far and unlocks some powerful schizophrenia and sexual dwarf perversion within Reg!Meanwhile, much to the irritation of Constance, Rita and Simpkins are madly in love. Constance tries to explain to Rita what a devious bastard he is but Rita won’t hear it, and instead unwittingly persuades Constance to join them for a spot of ménage à trois. Across town, Mo shares news with Robin of the lude sex acts the community have been partaking in together. Robin is ecstatic to have more juicy gossip stories for her newspaper and after some investigating, is thrilled to publish her outraged findings!Memorable Moments:
– Constance and Simpkins’ feces-based verbal slagging match in the street.
– Reg and Harold’s perverted sex rituals in the hospital room getting so extreme that Mo smashes the one-way mirror to stop them.How will the community react to Robin’s slanderous expose in the newspaper on their sex practices?
Will Rita ever come to see Simpkins as the devious bastard he is?
Can Harold and Reg every return to normal married life?

Find out in Episode 5 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.———————————————————————————————————————————–Episode 10.3: Ping-Pong Zing-Zombie
Tuesday 6th October 2015 at Bristol Improv Theatre

To get custody of his son, Simpkins must prove to a judge that he is in a stable relationship and so takes Rita out on a fake date. He is completely unaware however that Rita has actual feelings for him until she leaps on him provocatively! After a night of passion, Simpkins’ icy exterior has warmed to Rita and the two are in a real, loving relationship!

Meanwhile, Harold wants to divorce Reg. Sazz begs him to give the relationship one last chance and so they go to visit Reg in hospital where is waiting for a blood transfusion. However, they arrive just as Reg, in his bitterness, has emailed a scandalously naked photo of Harold to the local newspaper! Across town, Constance is pinning for her dream family home with Big Dick Johnson but talk of commitment has Dick pinning for his old lover, Mo. Constance is sick with jealousy and so races to the hospital to find Mo about to give blood to Reg. Desperate not to be outshone, Constance opens her own veins and donates her own blood straight into Reg’s mouth! This intervention causes a strange zombie-like reaction in Reg and his senses are overtaken by the urge to rampage around Newtown! After pushing chairs over in Suzi’s bakery, he is finally subdued by the community.

Memorable Moments:
– A reoccurring scene of characters trying to mime playing ping-pong along to an unpredictable sound-effect.
– Rita giving in and leaping onto Simpkins, overwhelming him with kisses.
– Reg’s dramatic and violent zombie rampage as he tussles with Harold, Suzi and Sazz.How will Harold react when his naked photo appears in the local newspaper?
Has Rita managed to soften Simpkins’ cold heart?
Who does Big Dick Johnson want more – Constance or Mo?

Find out in Episode 4 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.———————————————————————————————————————————–Episode 10.2: Bowling Bad And Breaking Up
Tuesday 22nd September 2015 at Bristol Improv TheatreTo keep Simpkins away from her babies, Constance is arranging to get full custody. She’s keen to share this responsibility with Big Dick Johnson and potentially even become a family together but Dick is not about to settle down. Simpkins meanwhile is contesting the imminent custody decision. He’s plotting to convince a judge of his case by manipulating Rita’s affections for him and fake being in a stable relationship with her.Frustrated at being “on a break” from their marriage, Reg is expressing himself by literally putting his blood, sweat and tears into a violent painting, whilst Harold is experimenting with internet dating. When Mo and Reg deliver a giant ice sculpture to the café (the final touch to Fred’s aquatic rebrand), Fred winks at Harold and suggest all 4 of them go on a double date! Over bowling, Reg and Harold emotionally share a few harsh truths and seem destined to make their break permanent.Memorable Moments:
– Rita professing her love and admiration for Simpkins, only for him to ask whether she’ll repeat it in front of a judge.
– Harold and Reg’s excruciatingly sad and awkward break-up in the bowling alley.
– Fred’s new menu at Café Barracuda being made up purely of FISH FISH FISH!Are Big Dick and Constance going to settle down as a family?
Can nothing now bring Harold and Reg back together?
Who will win the baby custody battle – Simpkins or Constance?

Find out in Episode 3 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.———————————————————————————————————————————–Episode 10.1: The Barracuda Blues
Tuesday 8th September 2015 at The Bristol Improv Theatre

It’s been 6 months since we last visited the small community of Newtown and Reg is finally leaving hospital after having been shot by Simpkins in the bellybutton. Reg never pressed charges, he’s much more concerned that his husband, Harold, didn’t visit him once! Through tears of shame, Harold suggests that Reg move to a motel and that the pair go on a break.

Across town, Fred is intimidated by Suzi’s new mobile bakery business and so has rebranded his café as ‘Barracuda’. After spying and deceit, he eventually pushes Suzi down into the Newtown sewers where she meets Sazz who’s been on a voyage to try and understand contraception. Meanwhile, Simpkins has challenged Big Dick Johnson to a baby duel, confident that baby Ebeneezer is smarter and faster than baby Lambrini. Mo is game and sets up a challenging course for the infants but Constance bursts in, appalled that her twins are being used for sport. Both Simpkins and Mo will never be allowed to see her children ever again!

Memorable Moments:
– Whilst breaking up with Reg, Harold throwing water in his eyes to show his teary emotion
– Suzi and Rita singing Cliff Richard’s Summer Holiday at every opportunity to try and bring business to the mobile bakery

How will Simpkins react now he’s barred from ever seeing his newborn son?
Does this break spell the end for Harold and Reg’s marriage?
Will Café Barracuda be the making or breaking of Fred?
Find out in Episode 2 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Season 9

Episode 9.13: Simpkins’ Bad Heir Day
Tuesday 7th July 2015 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Not only has Simpkins been frauded out of all his money but now his baby son, Ebenezer, has been abducted! Looking for answers, Simpkins tortures Harold who lays out an evil game in which Simpkins will have to decide which he loves more: his son or his money!

Big Dick Johnson’s been out with Suzi buying ‘mood make-up’ for his little daughter, leaving Magdalene and Robin home to ineffectively babysit. Meanwhile, Mo confesses to dropping her double cousin Reg on his head as a child and ending his promising career as an artist, dooming him instead to a life of clumsiness. As the pair carry Reg’s newest artwork across town, they spy Simpkins smuggling Harold into the back of a car so Reg and Mo quickly jump onto Magdalene’s bicycle in pursuit. Harold eventually leads Simpkins to which of the two he loves more – his son – but Harold’s game has been the final straw. An enraged Simpkins pulls a gun just as Reg dives between them! In the ensuing struggle there is a gunshot and a scream, but who has been shot?!

Memorable Moments:
– The slapstick mayhem as Reg and Mo try to carry a large painting through town but keep encountering clumsy members of the community
– Harold’s evil riddles to provoke Simpkins: “You wake up! It’s 6.45am!”

Who got shot?! Reg, Harold or Simpkins?!
Has Mo now got over the guilt of dropping her baby cousin?
How will Big Dick Johnson deal with the tougher tests of fatherhood?
Find out in Season 10 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 9.12: Glastonbury and a Brand New Baby
Tuesday 23rd June 2015 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Harold, Rita, Sazz are going Glastonbury together! Reg is jealous and wants to make sure Harold remains faithful whilst at the festival and so Fred (in between spending more of Simpkins’ money) helps him into a disguise to go spying on the group. Harold doesn’t recognise this stranger following him around but he’s strangely drawn to him and the pair eventually end up making love in a tent. Unmasked, Reg accuses Harold of cheating but as Harold sees it, he’s only cheated on Reg with Reg so it doesn’t count.

Meanwhile, Big Dick Johnson is a father. He’s been treating his little princess, Lambrini, to fake tans and One Direction tickets but Spencer gives him a crash-course in nappy changing, burping and lullaby singing. Dick’s life looks set to get even more complicated when Mo (encouraged by Magdalene) turns up at his doorstep to profess her love!

Memorable Moments:
– Mo describing the vase she and Dick made together: “You see that wobble in the handle?That was my orgasm.”
– Repeated flashbacks from the entire community as they recall their past experiences with drugs.

Will Lambrini grow up to be a Johnson or a Sugar?
How many more tests can Reg and Harold’s relationship survive?
Will Simpkins finally get his revenge on Fred for frauding him out of all his money?
Find out in Episode 13 and Season Finale of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 9.11: Double Dads
Tuesday 9th June 2015 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Rita is enjoying living with Simpkins and despite his negativity, she seems to be falling for him. Coincidentally Big Dick is at Mo’s art gallery to explore his creative side but finds more than he bargained for (perhaps true love!) as they too fall for each other over pitbulls and pottery. Meanwhile Spencer and Reg fly back from Hawaii together just in time to hear that with the help of Suzi and Robin, Constance has finally given birth to her twins! Their parentage is still a mystery, something that is really stressing out Harold, and so Magdalene sends some DNA samples off for forensic examination. The results dramatically reveal that the twins have separate fathers: Constance’s daughter is Big Dick Johnson’s and her son belongs to Simpkins!

Memorable Moments:
– Constance’s sensual James Bond inspired birth scene
– The moment Simpkins is revealed to be the father and to booming ‘O Fortuna’ music
– Spencer and Reg killing time on their flight by discussing films and playing with some condoms they found

How will Simpkins react now he finally has his heir?
Are Rita and Mo about to get new men in their lives?
How will becoming parents change Dick and Constance?
Find out in Episode 12 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 9.10: An Idiot, A Fraud
Tuesday 26th May 2015 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Simpkins receives a letter from the fraud squad telling him all his money is gone. Furious, he is forced to stay with Rita in her tiny council flat until he finds who is responsible. Meanwhile, Mo and Magdalene are at the airport to welcoming home newlyweds Harold and Reg (who have changed their surnames to Longstick) but Harold explains that after losing a hula competition, Reg is stuck in Hawaii until they can raise the money for his return. Across town, the naked calendars of Robin are back from the printers and much to her annoyance, have been put up everywhere by Suzi.

Big Dick Johnson has lost his mind to gambling. Dr Magdalene blames poor diet and a lack of sleep and insists that he start keep a record of his poos so that she can diagnose him better. Later at the opening of the new art gallery, Mo is bowled over by the artistic quality of Dick’s poo drawings. At the party, Fred is splashing money about paying for Reg’s return, helping Robin buy the calendars back and donating to the gallery itself when he lets slip that he is the one who frauded Simpkins out of all his money!

Memorable Moments:
– Harold explaining that the prize for winning the hula dance competition was a walking stick and passport renewal.
– An extended slow-motion chase across town between Fred, Robin and Suzi.
– Mo recounting how she once lost her double cousin, Reg, on a train in Europe as Harold acts out the whole story behind her.

Will Reg make it back to Newtown in one piece?
What will happen when Simpkins confronts Fred about the stolen money?
Will Magdalene get to the bottom of what is really wrong with Big Dick Johnsons?
Find out in Episode 11 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 9.9: The Morning After
Tuesday 12th May 2015 at The Wardrobe Theatre

It’s the morning after the wedding and a bewildered Constance wakes up awkwardly next to a smiling Simpkins. Fred thinks Simpkins is only after her twins and, whilst revealing his own paternal ambitions, together they hatch a plot to empty Simpkins’ bank account. Across town, Mo Hunter has taken a liking to Newtown and wants to establish a gallery. She sets out to obtain some local art with the help of Robin who reveals a secret passion for the artistic representation of breasts. Meanwhile, Suzi needs help boosting business at her bakery. Rita helps launch her a website but Simpkins advises them to take saucy photographs of themselves wearing nothing but buns and cakes. During the photoshoot, Robin enters the shop and is persuaded (blackmailed) into suggestively eating the buns whilst saying “’Mmmm… Shlovely!’

Halfway across the world, Reg and Harold are on their Hawaiian honeymoon. After surfing and shopping however, they decide that things are a bit of a let down and so spice things up with a foursome! They end up having all their possessions stolen including their passports and have to assume the identities of two hula girls in order to get back home.

Memorable Moments:
– Fred’s AZERTY keyboard – “whenever I search for Zimbabwe I get Qimbaze…”
– Reg and Harold’s romantic open sea surfing trip

Will Constance stay with Simpkins?
Will Robin be embarrassed by those smutty photos?
Are hula skirts a genuine substitute for a valid passport?
Find out in Episode 10 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 9.8: Close Your Eyes, Give Me Your Hand (75th Episode Special)
Tuesday 28th April 2015 at The Wardrobe Theatre

It’s day of the Harold and Reg’s wedding! Harold, however, has been on a week long Stag Do and wakes up in a field with Fred a long way from Newtown. They make their way back via Newtown Hill and some aggressive horses. Reg chooses Constance as his Maid of Honour and she expresses her devotion by offering to smother him with butter. Meanwhile, Mo Hunter (a relative of Reg’s) arrives in town for the wedding and encounters Suzie and Spencer desperately trying to calculate the required ingredients for the wedding cake. Rita eventually saves the day by revealing a hidden talent for mathematics.

At the Newtown Evangelical Church, Reg and Harold exchange their vows but Reg reveals a possessive side. Simpkins then shocks the guests by expressing his undying love for Constance, who, even more shockingly, falls into his arms. As the final bars of ‘Eternal Flame’ play, Harold and Reg leave on their honeymoon to begin a new life as a married couple.

More photos from this episode here.

Memorable Moments:
– Sass’s fear that being a Maid Of Honour involves human sacrifice
– Fred’s drunken best man speech
– Confetti! So much confetti!

Will Harold and Reg be happy together forever?
Have Constance and Simpkins finally fallen in love?
What next for Rita and her gift for mathematics?
Find out in Episode 9 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 9.7: Hen Dos And Don’ts
Tuesday 14th April 2015 at The Wardrobe Theatre

With motherhood fast approaching, Constance is looking to live wild while she still can and so spends the night with Fred. Disappointingly, Reg’s Hen Do is a restrained evening of ball pools and board games but after some persuading, Constance is allowed to choose how they spend the rest of it; a night that leaves Reg smothered in butter the pair feeling very awkward and shaken.

Meanwhile Big Dick Johnson’s gambling is getting out of control. Simpkins tries to help by introducing a betting system that replaces numbers with fruit but in desperate confusion, Dick’s mental state spirals downwards. Across town, Fred emotionally accepts Harold’s request that he be his son’s best man. Fred throws an instant Stag Do but just as he is preparing his special ‘Trotters A La Bibliotech’, a dishevelled Big Dick crashes the party and the concerned Fred and Harold angrily point the finger of blame at Simpkins!

Memorable Moments:
– Big Dick Johnson’s fruit infused monologue as he slowly loses his mind to gambling
– Fred flirting with Constance over Monopoly: “We can mortgage the browns if you know what I mean…?”

What will happen on Harold and Reg’s wedding day?
Is Simpkins truly to blame for Big Dick Johnson’s gambling troubles?
What else does Constance have in store as she tries to live wild before motherhood?
Find out in Episode 8 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 9.6: Kebabs, Kebabs, Kebabs
Tuesday 31st March 2015 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Constance and Robin are shopping for baby items at Mothercare but a ferocious argument ensues when they bump into Simpkins. Constance imagines what married life with Simpkins would be like and is determined to make sure that never happens! Meanwhile Fred is concerned Big Dick Johnson’s gambling is getting out of control when he finds him talking to slot machines.

Local woman Rita goes to see Magdalene about a potentially life-threatening medical problem but, after being thrown into quarantine, her symptoms turn out to be harmless. Magdalene is also coaching Reg on how to be the perfect wife by “treating them mean but keeping them keen”. Reg tries this on his fiancé, Harold, but the pair fall into each other’s arms when Harold reveals all about his past with Constance and how be might be the father of her twins.

Memorable Moments:
– Reg’s extended metaphors about a roll of masking tape and married life.
– Fred’s spontaneous kebab song with the whole community dancing along!

When will Harold and Reg tie the knot?
Is Big Dick Johnson losing control of his gambling?
Who is the father of Constance’s twins?
Find out in Episode 7 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 9.5: Karaoke at The Dog and Spoon (St Patrick’s Day Special)
Tuesday 17th March 2015 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Sazz and Harold are hungover after a St Patrick’s Day karaoke party at The Dog and Spoon pub and after recounting the night, remember that Harold expressed some severe doubts about his engagement to Reg. Oblivious, Reg is moving forward in planning the wedding with the help of Fred and Simpkins, the three eventually settling on an underwater theme. Harold confronts Reg and the pair settle their differences before making up romantically.

Across town, Big Dick Johnson and Constance have caught the gambling bug and plan to stage a hamster race through the streets. Coincidentally, Spencer and Magdalene have just bought a rare athletic hamster called Spunky, a pet which Dick and Constance steal and enter into their race. Later at the track, an outraged Spencer watches his beloved Spunky come in first but, without having placed sufficient money on his animal, he’s barely won a thing.

Memorable Moments:
– Repeated flashbacks to karaoke sessions in the pub with members of the community all singing (mostly) Will Smith songs.
– Harold using the advice he got from Sazz to give Reg a loving blow job.
– The hyped hamster race consisting of green balloons being batted about by the audience over their heads. The first balloon that made it back onstage won!

What’s next for Spencer and Magdalene’s race winning hamster?
When will Reg and Harold’s themed wedding take place?
Have Constance and Big Dick Johnson caught the gambling bug?
Find out in Episode 6 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 9.4: Constance’s Gamble Scandal
Tuesday 3rd March 2015 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Magdalene hasn’t seen her husband, Spencer, for weeks. She and Robin draw missing posters all over town but eventually find a note in the corner-shop saying how he’s at a nearby Corn Festival. Meanwhile, Suzi has been learning about visions and invoking spirits. Simpkins sees an opportunity to get one over on the other potential fathers of Constance’s twins and so using her gift and chanting, together they provoke Harold to get his balls snagged on a record player, much to Reg’s horror.

Constance has set her heart on Big Dick Johnson being the father of her twins and is so confident she places a bet with Dick’s bookie. Catching the gambling bug however she also puts a “gorilla and a half’s” worth on a greyhound race. That evening she and Big Dick listen to the race as her dog, Thunder-thighs, wins to make Constance rich!

Memorable Moments:
– Big Dick Johnson and Constance’s ludicrous animal betting terms: a gorilla, a rhino, a alpaca, an orang-utan.
– Magdalene and Robin drawing a life-size chalk illustration of Spencer on the back wall.

After her big win, can Constance resist gambling further?
Will Harold’s genitals every be the same again?
When will Spencer come home to his wife?
Find out in Episode 5 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 9.3: Holy Crêpe! (Pancake Day Special)
Tuesday 17th February 2015 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Constance is due to have twins and her fluctuating hormones are causing bouts of extreme overworking and horniness! Simpkins meanwhile is obsessing about potentially having a male heir and has already had ‘Little Jeremy’ enrolled at a top school but Robin won’t accept an unborn infant for work experience at the newspaper. Across town, Magdalene is confused about the British traditions of remembering Jesus with pancakes. She prays, looking for answers and finds them as Jesus seems to be talking through Big Dick Johnson!

Harold wants to have a Pancake Day party and requests that Reg cook some special pancakes from breast-milk and cow hair. To prove how much he trusts his fiancé, especially after all their fighting, Reg willingly journeys to collect the ingredients. However, Fred is anxious this pancake party will cost him business, so suggests they open Fred’s Mobile Café together. Robin is first to taste one of these strange pancakes and nearly vomits and chokes but is saved by the sudden snog of a very horny Constance!

Memorable Moments:
– Simpkins carrying a baby doll everywhere with him and ranting about the glass ceiling women put up to hold single fathers down.
– Several re-enacted flashbacks to Constance and Harold having sex in an alleyway with a kinky feather duster.
– Jesus speaking through Big Dick Johnson as he comments on Judea.

What does the future hold for Fred’s Mobile Café?
Has Robin recovered from eating the experimental pancake?
Who is the father to Constance’s twins: Harold, Fred, Big Dick or Simpkins?
Find out in Episode 4 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 9.2: Et Tu, Uterus?
Tuesday 3rd February 2015 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Constance is very anxious about becoming a mother but Magdalene and Robin calm her fears by getting her to bond with her uterus. After an ultrasound scan, Constance is told she is having a boy and a girl; but who is the father? Simpkins is very keen on having an heir and is plotting to ‘take out’ the three other potential fathers with the help of Oscar Croft and some out of date coriander baby food.

Meanwhile, Big Dick Johnson and Fred are arguing over who would be the better parent (despite Fred insisting he’s had a vasectomy), a dispute which is finally solved via a stone paper scissors match and a staring competition judged by Spencer.

Across town, having nursed Harold back to health after accidentally attacking him, Reg finally says yes to Harold’s marriage proposal. The pair celebrate at the town hall where Simpkins has laid on a coriander doughnut platter. After consuming one of the poisoned foodstuffs, Harold goes mad and attacks his fiancé, Reg, with a shoe!

Memorable Moments:
– Simpkins summarising the difference between modern fathers and mothers as simply he doesn’t have boobies.
– Big Dick Johnson and Fred’s painfully strained staring competition.
– Flashback: Oscar Croft sat in the pub with a baby that isn’t his.

Who is the father of Constance’s baby: Harold, Simpkins, Fred or Dick?
Will Reg and Harold’s engagement survive this latest fight?
What depth will Simpkins sink to to ensure he gets an heir?
Find out in Episode 3 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 9.1: Enraged To Be Engaged
Tuesday 20th January 2015 at The Wardrobe Theatre

In the local gym Fred and Spencer are helping Reg get fit for 2015 by teaching him karate. Meanwhile Robin has hired Big Dick Johnson to landscape her garden and is thrilled when he builds her a tree-house.

Across town Magdalene is helping Harold come up with a really memorable way to propose marriage to Reg. They settle on a romantic ballet, to be performed in the woods by moonlight, with Simpkins and Suzi helping with music. That night after the show, Harold gets down on one knee but, overcome with battle instinct from his karate training, Reg brutally attacks Harold! His rage only relents by the sudden shock announcement from Constance that she is pregnant and the father could be Harold, Big Dick, Simpkins or Fred!!

Memorable Moments:
– Reg and Spencer partaking in an out of control karate fight.
– Suzi beating a saucepan with a wooden spoon and demanding Simpkins dance.

Who is the father of Constance’s baby?
Did Reg say yes or no to Harold’s wedding proposal?
How will Harold recover from his latest injury?
Find out in Episode 2 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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SEASON 8

Episode 8.6: The Ghost of Simpkins Yet to Come (Christmas Special)
Tuesday 9th December 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

After some Christmas loving on a balcony with Suzi, Big Dick Johnson (who has vowed to pimp Simpkins’ life) states that real change must come from within. That night Simpkins is visited by three ghosts, each taking on the form of one of the community (Fred, Suzi and Big Dick). Each ghost takes Simpkins on a paranormal journey of the past, present and future to try and show him the error of his ways and the doomed path laid out before him but when he awakes, Simpkins is more bloody-minded than ever to be the ruthless, unsentimental businessman that he is.

Meanwhile, Harold reveals to Constance that he’s been having an affair with Reg. She can see that her and Harold’s relationship is purely physical while Reg and Harold truly love each. That night during Suzi and Fred’s Christmas party, Harold reveals he has purchased a ring and plans to propose to Reg, news which leaves Constance heart-broken and causes Dick to faint!

Memorable Moments:
– Constance looking at nude photos on Harold’s photo and then going down on him behind the waist-high screen at the front of the stage.
– Big Dick Johnson frozen in long stony silence at the news his half-brother Harold is bisexual.
– As a Christmas special encore, the community gathered to sing a Christmas classic together: ‘Last Christmas’ by Wham.

Are Reg and Harold destined to be married?
Will Simpkins’ ruthless demeanor ever soften?
Can Constance win back Harold’s heart?
Find out in Season 9 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 8.5: Sin and The Synagogue
Tuesday 25th November 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Harold misses his new love, Constance. Desperate, he finds comfort in the arms of Reg, igniting some potent sexual chemistry. Fred catches the pair in a compromising position in a bush but is misled into thinking they were practicing for a play. That night, once Reg and Harold had moved into the flat above Fred’s café, Harold told his father the truth: he and Reg are in love. Meanwhile, after paying for a positive review of his magic show in the paper, Simpkins is interested in buying a car from Big Dick Johnson. During a test drive Simpkins opens up about his sheltered, conservative upbringing and Dick offers to pimp Simpkins’ life, starting with some joyriding in the rusty Honda Civic.

Magdalene and Spencer are looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas when they reach a depressing conclusion: both are just a celebration of diabetes. The only way to avoid the whole affair is to become Jewish. On visiting the local synagogue, Magdalene proposes that Spencer must save the life of a local Jew!

Memorable Moments:
– Magdalene and Spencer trying to work out who in the community is already Jewish: “….umm……..Simpkins?”
– Fred repeatedly failing to login to one of Simpkins’ Post Office computers. Magic!

Will Spencer be able to save the life of someone Jewish and be welcomed to the religion?
How will Fred react to the news his son is bisexual?
What’s the next step in Big Dick Johnson pimping Simpkins’ life?
Find out in Episode 6 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 8.4: Missing Glasses and Other Farces
Tuesday 11th November 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Harold hasn’t stopped thinking about Constance since she helped revive him from his coma. The pair can’t keep their hands off each other and, between tying each other up, Harold reveals to Big Dick Johnson that he’s totally in love. Meanwhile Spencer is angry at Magdalene for forgetting his birthday and so he’s hidden her glasses. He ropes in Reg and Fred to plan an elaborate scavenger hunt for her to get them back but she’s tired of his games and instead gets Suzi and Constance to tie him to a chair and demand he return them.

Across town Simpkins and Sazz confront Robin about the negative news article she published about him. As chief editor of The Newtown Chronicle she refuses to back down, but Simpkins will pay her to write a new positive article spotlighting his good traits, such as his ability to perform magic. That night at the pub, Robin reviews Simpkins as he performs a magic show to the community, during which he makes Magdalene’s missing glasses miraculously appear from a seemingly empty handbag!

Memorable Moments:
– Australian Suzi (who’d lost her voice) having to communicate some dramatic information to Fred via charades: “What’s that skip? Constance has gone and tied up Spencer?”
– Constance and Harold’s outrageous flirting.
– Big Dick’s charade for a doughnut: a circle with a hole punched through it.

Can Magdalene & Spencer’s marriage survive this latest ordeal?
What does the future hold for Harold & Constance?
Will Robin comply, defy, or snog Simpkins?
Find out in Episode 5 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 8.3: Strictly Coma Dancing
Tuesday 28th October 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

After the car crash Harold is in a coma. Each member of the community visits him in the hospital to try and wake him up including Constance who assumes the role of a Disney prince as she attempts to revive this Sleeping Beauty with a kiss. Simpkins knows she was responsible for the negative article about him in the paper but when he confronts her, Constance denies everything. Big Dick and Fred finally save Harold after singing his favourite song, Heaven Is A Place On Earth.

Across town Sazz and Reg are trick or treating but they aren’t after candy, they want furniture to furnish Sazz’s flat. Meanwhile, with Spencer’s birthday fast approaching, Suzi and Magdalene are preparing a surprise party but Suzi accidentally tells Spencer! After the excitement of Harold waking up however, the party slips everyone’s minds and Spencer is left to celebrate alone. After his coma, Harold seems only to be able to talk in Ye Olde English and he speaks lovingly of a woman who visited him in his dreams and kissed him. That night at a Halloween party thrown in his honour, when Harold locks eyes with Constance he is overcome with emotion.

Memorable Moments:
– The running gag of Harold dancing outrageously to loud salsa music to show how he’s feeling whilst in his coma and off his face on morphine.
– Simpkins’ dramatic knock on Constance’s door: “Only one man I know knocks like that!”
– Big Dick and Fred competing in naming 1980s athletes that will inspire Harold to fight through his coma.
– Spencer singing Happy Birthday to himself at his own surprise party.

Has fate brought Harold and Constance together?
How will Simpkins seek revenge this time?
Will Spencer forgive Magdalene for abandoning him on his birthday?
Find out in Episode 4 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 8.2: Bakewell Tarts and Broken Hearts
Tuesday 14th October 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

At the Post Office, Simpkins is rubbing Constance’s face in his latest successful business. His ego inflates further when Robin, a reporter from local newspaper the Newtown Express, comes to interview him. However, Constance feeds Robin some slanderous information which results in the publication of a very negative article and the furious Simpkins swears revenge!

Across town, Magdalene has been making new best friends with Suzi, an Australian baker who left Oz recently after a terrible break up. Meanwhile, after being banished from Big Dick Johnsonism, Fred is actually enjoying his freedom and encourages Harold to join him. Harold debates with Fred and Dick whether to leave the cult or not but is completely torn! Whilst driving through the night confused and upset, his emotions cause him to lose control and crash into an oncoming truck!

Memorable Moments:
– Dick’s incredible monologue about the history of Bakewell Tarts and their role in WW2
– Simpkins naming his media empire Simpkins’ Communication United Media (or SCUM for short)
– Harold and Dick’s extended metaphors about Mario Kart on N64 and life

How will Simpkins take out his anger on Robin?
Will Harold be OK after his car crash?
How will Magdalene and Suzi celebrate their new friendship?
Find out in Episode 3 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 8.1: Reach For The Hero Inside Yourself
Tuesday 30th September 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

It’s been six months since we last visited the small community of Newtown and Magdalene is trying to be a supportive wife to her new husband Spencer. However, she thinks it’s about time he found a new career and so helps him get a job stacking shelves at Mr Salanki’s cornershop.

Meanwhile as Constance brags about her latest extravagant holiday, Reg opens up about his recent doomed trip to Calais and his love affair with a Portuguese waiter named Louith who fell out of a ferry porthole. Constance sees a business opportunity and tries to create and market a love boat holiday experience culminating in her dressing up as Louith and reuniting with Reg.

Six months on since the birth of Big Dick Johnsonism, Dick is telling Fred that to be a member of his religious cult Fred must carry out Dick’s orders even if they involve breaking the law. Fred is tasked with robbing the local jewellers and ropes in his son, Harold, to help. After making a hash of the raid however the pair try to rob the cornershop but again are thwarted by Spencer and Reg. Big Dick is appalled by their shambolics and as a result, Fred is banished from the cult.

Memorable Moments:
– Various characters repeatedly getting inspired but the words of M People to reach for the heroes inside themselves, something some of them try to do literally.
– Harold and Fred disguising themselves as the elderly couple Mark Gerantulam and Martha Dolly Esperdrill to rob the jewellers.

How will Fred react to his banishment?
Will Reg ever find true love again?
What else is in store for Spencer at the cornershop?
Find out in Episode 2 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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SEASON 7
Episode 7.13: Total Cult
Tuesday 8th July 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

In Big Dick Johnsonism HQ (the back room of the pub), Fred and Harold undergo their initiations for Dick’s new religious cult involving getting spanked and smothered in chilli. New members must also remove their clothing and change their names to ‘Big Dick Johnson’ as Dick himself is now called ‘Big Dick Christ’. Having been instructed to go forth and spread the cult’s message, the fanatically loyal Fred accosts Simpkins in the street. Never one to miss an opportunity, Simpkins quickly converts so that the cult can help him achieve his latest business ambitions and take over the Post Office.

Meanwhile, inspired by his honeymoon in Las Vegas, Spencer gets Reg to help him build his own slot machine out of papier-mâché. When they try to install it in the Post Office however, cult-member Harold throws chilli over Spencer who instantly coverts to Big Dick Johnsonism – it seems the potent chilli fumes are having a powerful mind-controlling effect on the community! As the sun sets, the cult’s five members dance and chant around the chilli pot while Reg looks on bemused.

Memorable Moments:
– Reg inquiring about the health of Spencer’s aunt after she got stuck on Oblivion at Alton Towers
– The audience heckling Simpkins to get undressed and join the cult
– Harold Pilgrim trying to remember his old life before the cult: “What is Harold!?”

How will Magdalene, Constance and Sazz react to the town converting to this new religious cult?
What does the future hold for Simpkins and the Post Office?
Can anyone stop Big Dick Johnsonism take over the world?
Find out in Season 8 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 7.12: Big Dick Johnsonism
Tuesday 24th June 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Harold and Reg are working together to devise a new theatre piece that will inform young people about the dangers of tying people’s shoelaces together. That night they perform their show in the town hall to the entire community.

Meanwhile, Fred has received some biting hatemail about his radio show and takes the criticism to heart. He interviews Sazz to be his new on-air sidekick and, after she helps discover that Big Dick Johnson was the one who sent the abuse, gives her the job. Big Dick is angry because he’s lost his laundrette business betting on England’s disastrous World Cup campaign but calms himself by channelling his energies into his Buddhism. After drawing some Buddhist graffiti on the side of the church, that night at the town hall he gives the community a motivational speech about ‘change’. Seduced by his eloquence and peace of mind, Fred, Sazz and Harold all convert to a new religious cult called Big Dick Johnsonism.

Memorable Moments:
– Big Dick Johnson slowly drawing some graffiti on the church, intimately describing each line drawn as a further step to Buddhist enlightenment. The final line reveals the graffiti drawing is a penis.
– Reg and Harold’s uber-positive ‘Theatre In Education’-inspired performance including Harold eagerly declaring: “Let’s have some fun!”
– Sazz’s first solo on-air radio show devolving into her screaming about noises in her head

What does it truly mean to be a follower of Big Dick Johnsonism?
How will Sazz fair as Fred’s radio sidekick?
What else does the future hold for Harold’s theatre company?
Find out in Episode 13 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 7.11: Come Dine With Me
Tuesday 10th June 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Having missed his chance with Magdalene (who is now honeymooning with Spencer in Las Vegas) Harold feels like he’s lost his mojo. Constance helps him find it again via biscuit dunking metaphors but Fred really helps when he coaches his son on how to talk to women.

Meanwhile, Reg has been away on a carpentry course and, with the help of Simpkins, creates a stunning new chair that they will market to thugs. Big Dick Johnson loves it and purchases one on the spot. Having tested his culinary skills on Constance, Big Dick invites the whole community round for an extravagant three-course meal – the third course being a line of cocaine each.

Memorable Moments:
– Fred mentioning in his youth how he was known as Fred “The Ferret” Gonzalez as he kept getting up girls’ skirts.
– Constance’s Come Dine With Me inspired monologue as she rates the meal Big Dick made for her out of 10.

Harold may have his mojo back but will he ever find a new girlfriend?
Will carpentry prove to be the thing that ignites Reg’s career?
What will Big Dick Johnson cook next?
Find out in Episode 12 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 7.10: What has Simpkins got in his Pocket?
Tuesday 27th May 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

In his pocket, Simpkins has a map of Africa – he knows all about when Spencer was on a Special Ops mission in the 1980s and fathered an illegitimate child with a young Tanzanian woman. Trying to find out how he could possibly know this, Spencer and Fred discover a dark truth – Simpkins is the criminal mastermind known as Chew Chin Chow!

Meanwhile, Big Dick Johnson and Constance have started up their business of a laundrette-cum-spa and test their new machine on Harold. It’s working well until Harold becomes trapped in the drying chamber with a group of camels!

Magdalene has suffered a family bereavement and learns that to get any inheritance she must be married within 24 hours. Hungry to become a father, Simpkins swoops in and the pair prepare for a shotgun wedding. Big Dick is their Buddhist vicar but just as they are about to be wed, Spencer and Fred burst in to reveal Simpkins’ dark past. Magdalene is forced to choose a husband and finally plucks for Spencer who, after tying the knot, declares he is retiring from the police force for good.

Memorable Moments:
– Harold going through the wash, rinse and dry laundrette machine to loud Prince music.
– Spencer’s dark and mysterious story of his Tanzanian Special Ops mission.

How will Magdalene and Spencer find married life?
Can Harold be saved from the camels?
Will Simpkins be able to escape his dark past?
Find out in Episode 11 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 7.9: Sazz’s Organ Burden
Tuesday 13th May 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Magdalene has invited Sazz to move in with her. The pair are discussing their dream of setting up a laundrette-cum-spa when Sazz admits to selling her body for medical research resulting in a bag of spare organs. Meanwhile, new lovers Constance and Big Dick Johnson plan to take control of the town by going into business together. They want to set up a high-end pasty factory and conclude the best meat to use would be human flesh. After toying with the idea of digging up corpses, they are about to seize the bag of organs when Sazz lets slip about their laundrette-cum-spa idea which Constance and Big Dick instantly highjack.

Spencer is angrier than ever after hearing Fred’s recording of Simpkins admitting to the affair with Magdalene. Spencer decides to pin the unsolved fraud crime of Chew Chin Chow’s Megabucks Quickscheme on Simpkins as revenge. When the two finally come face to face, Spencer has a warrant for Simpkins’ arrest but Simpkins alludes to a document in his pocket with a signature from a mystery witness that will spell the end to Spencer’s career in the police force for good!

Memorable Moments:
– At Newtown graveyard, Big Dick Johnsons pointing out numerous gravestones and admitting how he was partly responsible for each of their deaths.
– Simpkins using gangsta rap to resist arrest and intimidate Spencer.

What has Simpkins got in his pocket?
Will Constance and Big Dick’s laundrette-cum-spa business be a success?
How will Sazz and Magdalene find living together?
Find out in Episode 10 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 7.8: Down To The Wire
Tuesday 29th April 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

It’s the morning after Big Dick Johnson and Constance’s night of passion and the air is electric. After some kinky foreplay, Dick’s coconut hair gel causes Constance to suffer an allergic reaction and her tongue swells. After struggling to cure it with Dick, she eventually gets the antidote off Simpkins.

The door to the loo in Fred’s café is broken, contravening health and safety laws. Community Support Officer Spencer is about to throw the book at Fred but will drop all the charges if Fred agrees to wear a wire and get Simpkins to confess to having an affair with Spencer’s girlfriend, Magdalene. Meanwhile, Simpkins has himself been enticing Harold to spy on Spencer for him. Fred agrees to the wire but he can’t coax Simpkins into confessing. Instead Fred impersonates Simpkins’ voice into the microphone saying “I want to sleep with Magdalene!”.

Memorable Moments:
– Constance pouring orange juice over Big Dick’s head and then licking it all off.
– Harold and Simpkins sploshing about in the spa’s cool pool and then towelling off.
– Fred’s high-tech wire comprising of a large landline phone being stuffed up the front of his shirt.

Can Fred coax a real confession out of Simpkins?
Was Big Dick and Constance’s night of passion a one off?
Who will Magdalene choose – Spencer or Simpkins?
Find out in Episode 9 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 7.7: Buddha and other Picky Lovers
Tuesday 15th April 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Big Dick Johnson has given up violence for lent. It’s left him rather depressed though and feeling like he needs something else in his life. Always happy to help, his half-brother, Harold, introduces him to Buddhism.
Spencer has been left with a limp and Simpkins with a black-eye after the two men fought over Magdalene. Constance thinks Magdalene is bringing these relationship dramas on herself so takes her down the highstreet to coach her how to be pickier with men. Fred points out that Magdalene has slept with every man in town apart from Harold and a chance meeting between the two results in Magdalene and Harold sneaking off to share a sauna. Fred meanwhile tells Constance she should loosen up and be more like Magdalene and so takes her down the highstreet to coach her how to be less picky with men. When they see Big Dick Johnson, Constance is taken with his stern glare and the pair disappear for a night of Buddhist-enthused tantric lovemaking.
Memorable Moments:
– Big Dick Johnson and Constance’s tantric sex scene involving Dick wryly holding up various props as Constance trashes her hair around to loud sexy music.
– Harold being made to repeat his acronym mantra about B-U-D-D-H-A.
– Fred singing acapella Pet Shop Boys on his radio show.

Is this the start of something special between Constance and Big Dick?
What happened between Magdalene and Harold in the sauna?
Will Big Dick Johnson’s Buddhist turn last?
Find out in Episode 8 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera
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Episode 7.6: Only Fools and Guinea Pigs (April Fools Special)
Tuesday 1st April 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre
Fred is reminiscing with his son about his previous April Fools pranks including the time he stole someone’s guinea pig and replaced it with a rabbit; Harold however is nervously waiting to hear if he’s got a part in the new Star Wars film. Fred takes pity on his son and impersonates the Hollywood director, JJ Abrams, to offer Harold the part of the lovable protocol droid, C3PO. An over the moon Harold shows off his robotic skills around town but is teased by Big Dick Johnson. As some April Fools revenge, Fred and Harold pretend Big Dick is invisible.
Meanwhile, Spencer is driving back to Newtown with Sazz. She is recovering after another massive party whilst he has been demoted to Community Support Officer after having spent several months in Miami. Sazz laments about a guinea pig that mysteriously disappeared as a child and Spencer vows to find it for her, hoping the case will mean he will be reinstated as a Detective. Whilst away Spencer hasn’t called his girlfriend, Magdalene, once and the slimy Simpkins pounces on this vulnerability to invite himself into Magdalene’s bedroom just as Spencer finally gets home. Spencer is furious that Simpkins and Magdalene having been together behind his back and Magdalene is furious that Spencer has been spending all his time with Sazz!
Memorable Moments:
– Harold characterising an amalgamation of Star Wars robots C3PO and R2D2.
– Big Dick threatening to throw strawberry vitamin water in people’s faces (it’s actually battery acid).
Can Spencer prove his worth and be promoted back to Detective?
Who will Magdalene choose – Spencer or Simpkins?
Will Sazz ever find her guinea pig?
Find out in Episode 7 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.
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Episode 7.5: Poplar Drugs
Tuesday 18th March 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre
Magdalene is hosting a funeral for her recently deceased iguana, David Caruso. During the wake, Fred inspires her to pursue a new career in homeopathy and herbal/world medicines. The crooked Big Dick Johnson wants to go into business with the scheming but legitimate Simpkins and so the pair back Magdalene and quickly establish a new clinic in town called Poplar Drugs.
Constance plans to rename the town as Royal Newtown and, with the help of Harold, practices how to meet the queen. However, they only succeed in getting a neckerchief stuck over Constance’s eyes. She has to be led around blind and so seeks medication to deal with the trauma. Fred has meanwhile managed to cause himself a severe back injury and, after both he and Constance visit the new clinic, they both get very high as all the prescriptions have been laced with Class A drugs – the logic being once people are addicted, they will return more regularly, therefore leading to greater profits.
Memorable Moments:
– Fred’s drawn out dodging of a golf ball.
– Big Dick Johnson as the fascistic receptionist of Poplar Drugs.
– A blindfolded Constance nearly falling off the stage and having to be helped by the front row.
How will Magdalene feel when she realises her new clinic is being run by crooks?
Will Constance achieve her dream of renaming the town?
How long can Big Dick Johnson and Simpkins evade the law?
Find out in Episode 6 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.
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Episode 7.4: Johnson Family Genes
Tuesday 4th March 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre
Still going through puberty, Harold is concerned about the shape of his “no no place” and so asks to see Fred’s penis whilst they are in Safeway. Fred educates his son about puberty through the metaphor of pancakes before concluding Harold must have inherited this abnormality from his mother’s side. Having pissed in all the cans of Rio in Fred’s café to get revenge for his humiliation, Big Dick shares with his half-brother, Harold, the truth about the history of Ezekiel Johnson, a great leader and lover of women who had odd shaped testicles, and builds Harold’s confidence right back up.
Simpkins has spent the night with Constance but is still torn on how he feels about her. He wants to find someone he can take it slow with and so goes on a date with Magdalene amongst the burnt out remains of his shop. Magdalene isn’t one for taking it slow though and distracts Simpkins with her ill iguana and another plan to get back at Constance, this time with manikins.
Memorable Moments:
– Dressed in a string vest, Fred gets carried away pretending to be Bruce Willis and recreates most of Die Hard with all the characters and voices.
– Harold pretending to be Big Dick, dressed in the man’s huge black leather jacket that goes down to Harold’s knees.
Can anything be done to save Magdalene’s iguana?
Will Simpkins carry out his plan to get back at Constance?
What will happen when Fred next goes to drink a can of Rio?
Find out in Episode 5 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.
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Episode 7.3: Carvery at The Inn Cest
Tuesday 18th February 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre
Fred is trying to bond with his son by taking an interest in Harold’s theatre company. Together they rename 3Fingers as “Fist” and stage a show about a lonely werewolf. During rehearsals, Harold channels feelings of bitterness and rejection towards Fred, the father who abandoned him.
Constance has opened an animal support agency and is persuading Magdalene to adopt an iguana. However, Magdalene has lost her medical licence and so has no money. Constance will let her off if she will join a protest against animal cruelty outside Simpkins’ taxidermy-pillow shop later. Inside, Simpkins is struggling to train his gormless niece, Sazz, as the new retail assistant but reluctantly leaves her in charge. When the protesters burst in, Sazz is overwhelmed and begins setting the shop alight herself. Afterwards, a furious Simpkins realises he’s lost everything. Meanwhile Big Dick decides to give the neglected Johnny Bar a spruce-up and renames it The Inn Cest in honour of his mother’s escapades. That night at the pub’s grand reopening, over a carvery, Simpkins and Constance dramatically kiss while Fred and Harold finally bond by humiliating Big Dick as they’ve both slept with his mother.
Memorable Moments:
– Big Dick coming up with new slogans for The Inn Cest including “Come with your friends, come with your family.”
– Fred reading a childhood fairytale to Harold about Jet from Gladiator.
How will Big Dick retaliate after Fred and Harold humiliated him?
What will Simpkins do now he’s lost everything?
Will Sazz ever get a job?
Find out in Episode 4 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera
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Episode 7.2: The Flashback (50th Episode Special)
Tuesday 4th February 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre
Big Dick Johnson is in his attic going through old boxes and reminiscing about Newtown’s past when, as if by magic, we are transported back 6 years. Now in 2008, the underage Reg and Sazz are both trying to get served at Oscar Croft’s Bed & Breakfast. Under the nose of Community Support Officer Spencer, Oscar serves the pair in return for a small bribe so Reg and Sazz can try their first beer.
It’s Magdalene’s first day in Newtown and Dr. Ferguson is showing her around the local surgery. Their first patient is Fred who’s complaining about voices in his head so the doctors medicate him with sugar, aspirin and ketchup. Across town Harold Pilgrim is still in school but there’s been a mix up as both Simpkins and Constance arrive to be the day’s history supply teacher. The pair compete in their historical knowledge, igniting some passionate sexual chemistry but it fizzles out as fast as it arrived, leaving a bitter taste in their mouths and creating a rift that will no doubt have serious repercussions for years to come.
Meanwhile, Little Jimmy Johnson is trying to make it in the music business but after a poor skiffle gig in the town square for the community and selling his only CD to an overly-medicated Fred, Jimmy is forced to accept the path laid out before him and embrace the criminal life of a Johnson.

More photos from this episode here.

Memorable Moments:
– Sexual innuendo history lessons with Constance and Simpkins: “How shiny was Cromwell’s helmet?”, “How deep were the trenches in WW1?”
– Doctors Magdalene and Ferguson using condiments to provoke lots of voices inside Fred’s head including Captain James T Kirk and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Will Constance and Simpkins ever admit their true feelings for each other?
Can Big Dick forgive himself for not supporting his brother’s dreams?
What other voices does Fred have in his head?
Find out in Episode 3 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 7.1: Bye Bye Baby
Tuesday 21st January 2014 at The Wardrobe Theatre

It’s been 3 months since we last visited the small community of Newtown and spare a thought for Harold Pilgrim; the orphan thought he’d finally found happiness with Beryl, his new wife, but it turns out he has in fact married and had a baby with his biological mother! Harold isn’t letting this turn of events get him down though and, with the help of Sazz, he’s challenging this pain into is art and creates an Oedipus-influenced mime performance.

Struggling to go without alcohol for January, Fred and Constance decide to bring February forwards by 10 days so they can get drunk. Once well-oiled, Fred goes to make peace with Spencer and Constance goes to belittle her business rival, Simpkins, who has set up a taxidermy-pillow shop.

Meanwhile, Beryl and Big Dick are debating the implications of the incest and conclude they must get someone to adopt the baby. Unsuccessful in flogging it beside the motorway, they mistakenly leave the newborn in the middle of nowhere but comfort themselves with the idea that a wandering, childless maiden will find it and bring it up properly.

Memorable Moments:
– Harold and Sazz telling the story of Oedipus through classic mime routines such as ‘Man Trapped In A Glass Box’, ‘The Heavy Balloon’ and ‘Walking Into A Lamppost’.
– Big Dick Johnson arguing with Beryl about the legality of incest: “Get arrested for this?!”
– Spencer and Simpkins duck hunting with some very unpredictable shotguns.

Will Beryl regret giving her baby away?
When will Harold face up to the mess that is his life?
Will Constance and Simpkins ever stop arguing?
Find out in Episode 2 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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SEASON 6

Episode 6.7: Bus Shelter Baby (Christmas Special)
Tuesday 10th December 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

On the morning of his wedding Harold is being consoled by Big Dick Johnson. The discovery that Fred is his real father has left Harold underwhelmed but Fred has disappeared, along with any hope of finding out who Harold’s real mother is. Meanwhile Constance Sugar is on her way to Newtown’s Business Woman of the Year Awards when she bumps into old rival Mr R Simpkins III. He too is trying to establish himself as Newtown’s leading entrepreneur and Constance is humiliated when Simpkins wins the award dressed as a woman.

As she is preparing for her wedding, Beryl’s water finally breaks. Efforts to get her to the hospital fail however and her baby is delivered in a local bus shelter by Magdalene (who’s been trying to win back Spencer by mastering his favourite game, Candy Crush). They decide to have the wedding there and then whilst Beryl is in labour with Reg stepping in for the vicar. Just as the couple are pronounced man and wife Dick, takes a telephone call from Fred who reveals that long ago he slept with a short angry woman with white hair – Beryl is Harold’s mother!!!

Memorable Moments:
– The entire episode being sound tracked by Christmas songs performed by the Salvation Army Brass Band

How will Harold react to the news he’s married his mother?
Will Constance seek revenge on Simpkins after her defeat?
What will become of Harold and Beryl’s new born baby?
Find out in Season 7 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 6.6: The Father Factor
Tuesday 26th November 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

His relationship with Magdalene on the rocks, Spencer goes to ask Fred for advice. Fred tries coaching Spencer on how to be a better boyfriend, with emphasis on poetry, but Magdalene can’t be won over and she admits to the affair she’s been having with Fred. Spencer angrily confronts Fred whilst he is broadcasting his radio show and an on-air scuffle ensues resulting in Spencer getting stabbed!

Over in Paris, Big Dick Johnson is researching Harold’s true parents and he finds the answer at the Sacré Coeur. On the ferry home, Dick bumps into Costance Sugar, a woman who grew up in Newtown but left to find her fortune. Constance is now back to start up a business and prove her doubters wrong. Meanwhile, Harold is getting cold feet about his imminent wedding but he’s talked round by Reg who rubs his feet, compiles a list of Beryl’s best features and helps, with the aid of a tangle of rope called Llewellyn, speculate on what married life will be like with a son. Suddenly Big Dick bursts in breaks the news that Harold’s biological father is Marlon – Fred’s evil split personality!

Memorable Moments:
– Big Dick Johnson repeatedly quoting the names of French footballers as if they were common French phrases
– Magdalene singing Britney Spears’ Oops I Did It Again to tell Spencer she’s been cheating on him

How will Fred cope with being thrust into fatherhood?
Will Spencer be OK after the stabbing?
What will happen at the wedding?
Find out in Episode 7 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 6.5: Harold’s Stag Do
Tuesday 12th November 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Harold has enlisted Spencer to be his best man and the pair go on a very drunken Stag Do to all the local Wetherspoons. Meanwhile, Beryl and Reg convince Bryony to let them have the wedding in her luxury apartment. Whilst practicing the exchanging of vows during the underwater themed wedding rehearsal, Beryl starts to fall for Reg just as Harold drunkenly stumbles past. Reg is embarrassed and promises to make it up to them both by selling some embarrassing video tapes of Bryony.

Fred and Magdalene are in Loopin Park confronting their romantic history. When Fred experiences severe sexual tension however, his evil split personality Marlon resurfaces and with renewed confidence he makes loves to Magdalene and vows to get Spencer out of the picture. That night as Magdalene is putting a drunken Spencer to bed, she admits she can’t do this relationship anymore.

Memorable Moments:
– Fred and Magdalene in Loopin Park play area, talking seriously about their relationship on the slide, the roundabout, in the sand pit and on one of those rocking spring animals.
– Reg improvising a passionate wedding vow speech to Beryl, reciting deep metaphors about jigsaw pieces.
– A glimpse at the embarrassing video tapes featuring Bryony twerking lots of abstract male figures to sexy music under purple lighting.

Is this the end for Magdalene and Spencer’s relationship?
Will Fred be able to control Marlon?
How will Bryony react if the tapes get out?
Find out in Episode 6 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 6.4: A Lament on Laminating (Halloween Special)
Tuesday 29th October 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

True to his word, Big Dick is helping Harold discover who his real parents are. After recounting a laminated letter he received in the orphanage where he grew up, Harold fantasises that perhaps his father is an international rock star! When he realises that his parents are most likely just normal people however, fate offers him the clues of ‘raspberry fields’ and ‘France’.

After having a baby scan, Magdalene and Beryl are going through a big book of baby names. When they come across the name Frederic, Magdalene recounts the tale of an old boyfriend who lived in a castle and broke her heart. Meanwhile, travelling salesman Marcus is trying to flog Fred some dodgy laminators while Fred boasts about the time he used to live in a castle. Later that night at a Halloween party Fred and Magdalene come face to face, the penny finally drops and the pair reignite their passionate love affair.

Memorable Moments:
– Harold listening to Raspberry Beret and wriggling furiously, trying to imagine himself as Prince’s sperm.
– Big Dick casually commenting on how he’d stripped Marcus’ car for parts.

Can Magdalene keep her affair with Fred hidden from Spencer?
Is Harold any closer to discovering his true parents?
What will Beryl call her baby?
Find out in Episode 5 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 6.3: Baby Themes and Pyramid Schemes
Tuesday 15th October 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

After investing all his money in a dodgy pyramid scheme, Reg is splashing the cash and treats Malcolm to lunch. However, when Reg offers to invest in the café, a sceptical Fred phones Reg’s pyramid scheme leader, Donald Trüpenstein, and scares him off. Reg is now free from the scheme but he’s left massively in debt after his spending spree.

Beryl is now six months pregnant with Harold’s baby. She’s worried that he’s been so busy with his new theatre company that he’s forgotten about her and things are worse than ever after the group’s performance got a terrible review in the local paper. After Harold trashes the house, Big Dick bursts in and makes Harold realise that Beryl loves him and that the review was a good one after all. Big Dick is proud of Harold and finally gives him his blessings for the marriage. Furthermore, Big Dick vows to reunite Harold with his estranged family in time for the wedding.

Memorable Moments:
– Big Dick Johnson aggressively chanting the bassline and he bullies Fred into performing an all singing and all dancing rendition of From Russia With Love.

How will Dick fare in tracking down Harold’s parents?
When is Beryl’s baby due?
How will Reg pay off his debts?
Find out in Episode 4 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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Episode 6.2: Wizards, Lizards and Lazers
Tuesday 1st October 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

After having a washing machine explode in his face, Magdelene takes Spencer to hospital where she learns he is now blind. Confiding in Fred, Magdelene admits she is responsible for the explosion but Fred tells her to bottle it up and just use it as relationship ammunition the next time Spencer does something wrong. Meanwhile Reg has recently come into a lot of money (via a dodgy sounding pyramid scheme) and offers to pay for Spencer’s lazer eye surgery, an operation which Reg eventually performs himself. The results improve Spencer’s vision but he can only see one colour; purple.

Over in The Johnny Bar, Harold, Malcolm and Big Dick Johnson have been rehearsing 3Fingers Theatre Company’s first show. That night they perform ‘The Wizard In The Woods’ to the whole community to rapturous applause.

Memorable Moments:
– Reg becoming an egomaniac as he dramatically performs lazer eye surgery on Spencer.
– 3Fingers devising their first show together, experimenting with creative juices, spawning the characters of Lizard-Boy and The White Wizard, and their final performance which climaxes with Harold being force fed cake to Morning by Edvard Grieg.

Will Spencer’s eyes be damaged for life?
Will Reg’s frivolous spending come back to haunt him?
Is the sky the limit for 3Fingers Theatre Company?
Find out it Episode 3 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 6.1: Transitions, Auditions and Suspicions
Tuesday 17th September 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

It’s been 3 months since we last visited the small community of Newtown and it’s been a very busy summer for the police. Pc Malcolm is exhausted after it all and tells Detective Spencer that he no longer wants to be a policeman whilst handing over his uniform. The devastated Spencer starts talking to Malcolm’s empty shirt as if he’s still there. Meanwhile, Harold Pilgrim is back in town having completed his first term of Drama Teaching Academy. He forms a local theatre company named ‘3Fingers’ and auditions Big Dick, Fred and (the now ex-Pc) Malcolm to be members.

In between trying for a baby with Spencer, Magdalene has lost her glasses. She and Sazz think that Spencer has hidden them and so the pair decide to play a trick on him by filling the washing machine with sand. Later when Spencer tries to wash his coat, the washing machine explodes in his face!

Memorable Moments:
– Sazz phoning in Fred’s radio show but then getting distracted by biscuits
– The 3Fingers Theatre Company auditions including Fred performing as Christopher Walken in Taxi Driver alongside Big Dick as Jodie Foster, and Malcolm becoming a fried egg

Will Spencer survive the explosion?
Will Malcolm regret leaving the police force?
What does the future hold for 3Fingers Theatre Company?
Find out in Episode 2 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera

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SEASON 5:

Episode 5.13: Radio Goo Goo Gaa Gaa
Tuesday 9th July 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Spencer is sad because he wants to be a father. Reg comforts him and together they imagine what a baby of their own would look like. They end up fixating on this invisible baby who they name Simeon, take to the park and around the shops before losing him and feeling very embarrassed.

In a mother and son heart-to-heart, Big Dick Johnson agrees to pay for Beryl’s upcoming wedding. However, Sazz is upset because her relationship with Big Dick is so cold and boring. Beryl informs her that’s what true love is like! Beryl insists that Sazz be her maid of honour and the pair go looking for wedding venues and dresses. Meanwhile, Fred has been secretly broadcasting a pirate radio show from the back of his café. When Big Dick finds out, he threatens to inform the police if Fred doesn’t monetise the radio show and help pay for the wedding. Fred gives in and organises a Newtown FM Radio Roadshow which ends with the whole community competing in a Gary Numan dance-off.


More photos from this episode here.

Memorable Moments:
– Constantly returning to listen to Fred’s radio show and all his on-air features including Appendix Or No Appendix, Challenged Anneka, Graham’s Cox-On, and Hanky Panky Ooo It’s A Tanky!
– Spencer curing Reg’s hiccups by placing him upside down, pouring water over his face and making him shout out the names of bald celebrities

Can Big Dick Johnson really afford to pay for his mother’s wedding?
Can Spencer convince Magdalene to have a real child?
What does the future hold for Fred’s radio show?
Find out in Season 6 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 5.12: Drama Karma
Tuesday 25th June 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Making preparations for her wedding, Beryl goes to Fred for catering advice. Beryl is suffering from some unusual cravings because of her pregnancy however and requests pet food, doughnuts and cat pie. The pair attempt to catch a local cat ready for cooking but instead manage to kill Newtown’s feline community. Pc Malcolm (who’s been busy cleaning the police station) later helps them rebreed and repopulate the town’s cats.

Big Dick Johnson doesn’t want his mother marrying a lowly barman and so he escorts Harold to the Job Centre where the young man decides he will become a drama teacher. Big Dick wants to encourage this new career path and so let’s Harold practice on him. Harold makes Big Dick ‘walk around the room’, channel an animal and eventually perform a Shakespearean monologue in a mock exam. Later, Dick drops Harold off at Drama Teacher Academy and gives Harold his watch for good luck.

Memorable Moments:
– Big Dick Johnson reciting an entire monologue from The Merchant Of Venice.
– Pc Malcom giving the wind an ASBO for making his office untidy.

Where else will Harold’s new career take him?
What other hurdles will present themselves during Beryl’s wedding preparations?
Will Pc Malcom and Reg ever get back together?
Find out in Episode 13 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 5.11: A Very Decent Proposal
Tuesday 11th June 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Having been found innocent of murder, Sazz celebrates by consummating her relationship with Big Dick Johnson. The newly implicated Reg is on the run however and he finds a friend in Detective Spencer who agrees to hide him.

Meanwhile, Beryl has learnt that she is pregnant but she’s getting exhausted with Harold as he still hasn’t proposed. Magdalene takes Beryl shopping for baby clothes but when Fred sees them, he mistakenly thinks it’s Magdalene who’s having the baby. Spencer finds out and throws a ‘baby shower’ for Magdalene with all the town in attendance but she is forced to tell him the truth. In the meantime, after getting proposal advice from Fred and asking for Big Dick’s permission to marry his mother, Harold plucks up the courage to do the right thing, gets down on one knee and asks for Beryl’s hand. She accepts!

Memorable Moments:
– Big Dick Johnson telling Sazz about the first time he had sex in prison before the pair make love under red lights to a pan-pipe rendition of “I Will Always Love You”.

Who will be Harold’s best man and Beryl’s maid of honour?
Can Reg prove his innocence?
What does the future hold for Sazz and Big Dick Johnson?
Find out in Episode 12 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 5.10: Judge, Jury and Extended Metaphor
Tuesday 28th May 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Having bullied Fred to stand down politically, Bryony is sworn in as Mayor of Newtown. Her first undertaking is to act as prosecutor in Sazz’s trial, adamant that the accused must face capital punishment for killing Fritz. Defending Sazz in the dock is Reg who has grown increasingly erratic and power-mad as the only police authority around (Det. Spencer and Dr. Magdalene have been hiding out of town but resolve to head home hoping their disgraces have blown over). Reg plans get Sazz and Fred to testify that Big Dick Johnson was responsible for Fritz murder. Dick has his own ideas though: the pagan skull with which he brainwashed Sazz is the trial’s key piece of evidence and so he and Harold plant it in in the toilet of Reg’s flat. When Reg is found to be in possession of the skull, the jury (the audience being led by Beryl) declare Sazz innocent and the finger of blame points at Reg!

Memorable Moments:
– Repeated detailed reference by Bryony and Spencer to the novel ‘The Turnstile’ by A E W Mason.
– Big Dick and Harold breaking into Reg’s flat and nearly getting caught as Reg comes home.

Having been found innocent, how will Sazz celebrate?
Will Reg now be blamed for Fritz’s murder?
How will Spencer and Magdalene readjust to life back in Newtown?
Find out in Episode 11 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 5.9: Who shot Fritz Hamburg?
Tuesday 14th May 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

The town is in a real frenzy over Fritz, trying to pick up the pieces after his death and work out who killed him: The Johnsons are all suspicious of each other; Fred and Big Dick both need an alibi and so make a pack; Bryony uses the situation to her advantage to manipulate Fred, making him stand down politically and giving her a clear path to becoming mayor; and Detective Spencer and Magdalene are still on the run together but can’t help feeling guilty that they’ve left the town in the lurch.

The responsibility of finding Fritz’s murderer has fallen on Reg’s shoulders but luckily Sazz comes forward as a witness. After trying to profile the killer with an elaborate drawing and an identity parade of the whole community, Reg isn’t sure if he can trust Sazz’s account that she drunkenly saw a unicorn led gang attack Fritz. Reg does however manage to expose Fred and Big Dick’s false alibi before Big Dick finally confesses that he bullied and brainwashed Sazz to do it. Sazz is arrested for the murder of Fritz Hamburg.

Memorable Moments:
– Reg and Sazz hilariously profiling the killers she saw by chalk drawing on the back wall a giant Spanish man, a fat black man with wings and a flying unicorn.
– Big Dick Johnson being made to recite the entire Wikipedia page of Farscape to prove his alibi.

Will Sazz go to prison?
How long can Spencer and Magdalene last on the run?
Can anything stop Bryony becoming mayor?
Find out in Episode 10 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 5.8: Dial M for Mayor
Tuesday 30th April 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Detective Spencer is appalled to learn that his lover, Magdalene, has been arrested for drug dealing. Although innocent, Magdalene confesses to the crime to save Reg’s (the new deputy’s) blushes. A bitterly upset Spencer drives her to prison but eventually gives into his heart and the pair go on the run, leaving Reg in charge of policing Newtown.

Meanwhile it’s Election Day in Newtown! Bryony and Fred are going head-to-head to become the new mayor but Fritz ruffles a few feather when he declares he will also be standing. On the campaign trail, Bryony is passionately right wing, Fred makes more wild promises and Fritz manages to infuriate everyone: He’s raising the rent on Fred’s café; pulling out of a big business deal with the Johnsons; is planning to replace the entire police force; and breaks Reg’s red bicycle. That evening everyone’s vote is cast and, to mixed cheers and jeers, Fritz is voted as mayor of Newtown. But as he gives his acceptance speech, Fritz is shot by an unknown gunman!

Memorable Moments:
– The audience play the part of a politically engaged community as they call out questions to the mayoral candidates and later cast their votes via a cheer-o-meter.
– Harold and Big Dick try Fred’s house speciality; Ukrainian Goblet Of Fire.

Who shot Fritz Hamburg?
What’s life on the run like for Magdalene and Spencer?
Who can fix this political mess?
Find out in Episode 9 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 5.7: You’ve Been Framed
Tuesday 16th April 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Spring is in the air and Fred is stepping up his election campaign to become Mayor of Newtown and goes to Lucinda for financial backing. With her business in sheep wool jumpers she seems the perfect person to help, but Fred gets more than he bargained for – it seems Lucinda is rather taken with Fred along with the idea of being ‘Mrs Major’. But after his overtly sexist candidate speech bombs, Fred is back at square one.

On a mission to rid Newtown of its new drug dealer, Pc Malcolm and Reg arrest their strongest suspect, Dr Magdalene, after catching her red-handed giving flu pills to Beryl. Just as Magdalene is thrown in jail, Reg reveals that he’s framed her to help mend his battered relationship with Pc Malcolm!

Memorable Moments:
– Big Dick Johnson spending the entire episode thinking he’s trapped in 1980.

Who will become Mayor – Fred or Bryony?
How will Det. Spencer react when he learns Pc Malcolm has thrown his lover, Magdalene, in jail?
Is this the start of a new beautiful chapter for Reg and Malcolm?
Find out in Episode 8 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 5.6: Bigger Fish To Pie
Tuesday 2nd April 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

After a wild adventure on a desert island inhabited by pagans, Fritz is back in town. He’s approached by Bryony who has decided to try and become the mayor of Newtown. However, unsure that a woman should hold the role, Fred vows to run as mayor against her. The pair race across town trying to secure support from various members of the community and while Bryony is considered and passionate about her politics, Fred offers his supporters wild and unrealistic promises.

Meanwhile Harold Pilgrim, keen to become a new father figure for Big Dick Johnson, has taken Dick fishing. After a troublesome start, the pair bond as they catch Old Elroy, a massive fish that they take home for Lucinda and Beryl to cook into a huge pie.

Memorable Moments:
– Fritz tellling the story of his wild island adventure with all the details relating to the patterns on Fred’s shirt.
– Sazz singing solo Celine Dion karaoke.

Who is destined to become mayor of Newtown?
Can the Johnsons’ new family serenity last?
How will Fritz readjust to life in the community?
Find out in Episode 7 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 5.5: Keeping The Faith
Tuesday 19th March 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

After hearing about Beryl’s ex-husband, Harold vows to be Big Dick Johnson’s new father figure. Dick isn’t best pleased but, to keep his mother happy, agrees to go on a father-son fishing trip. Meanwhile, after seeing an unidentified woman dealing drugs, Reg starts investigating with the help of his past lover, Pc Malcolm.

Adrian is upset at having been replaced as Reverend at the church. Feeling guilty about ignoring his advances and choosing Spencer, Magdalene agrees to help him get his job back with the help of Bryony. The pair offer support at the church where, as Adrian prays, he is visited by the booming voice of God himself who asks Adrian to return. That night Adrian conducts a sermon for the whole community having being instated as Reverend.

Memorable Moments:
– Reverend Adrian’s frantic monologue about building a treehouse and burning it down.
– A reoccurring gag about a pond next to the fish and chip shop full of pink ribbon wearing carp that climaxed with Reg choking on a ribbon.

What will happen on Dick and Harold’s father-son fishing trip?
What has Adrian learnt from his crisis of faith ordeal?
Will Reg and Malcolm discover who was dealing drugs?
Find out in Episode 6 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 5.4: Double Trouble Dating (Bristol Improv Festival Special)
Tuesday 5th March 2013 at The Bierkeller Theatre

Back from rehab, Fred can’t help but once again be seduced into drinking multiple cans of Rio, provoking Marlon (his evil split personality). In a trail of destruction and partying, Fred helps Reg come out of his shell and, in return, Reg encourages Fred to simply enjoy Rio in moderation, thus conquering Marlon. After a romantic weekend away, Beryl and Harold are closer than ever but they too are concerned for Fred and decide to do something nice for him. Bick Dick Johnson and Sazz are also bonding well, but is he into this relationship more than her?

Lucinda is upset at being single and so Magdalene sets them up on a double date with Spencer and Adrian at the local Bella Italia. Adrian and Lucinda really don’t click whilst Pc Malcolm is having a whale of a time on a nearby table with his old friend Bryony. Skipping the meal, Spencer whisks Magdalene away for a romantic drive and they end up falling in love on Lyle Hill.


More photos from this episode here.

Memorable Moments:
– Bryony encouraging Pc Malcolm to perform a sort of wild striptease in the restaurant.
– Spencer and Magdalene falling in love in slow-motion to loud Paul McCartney music.

What does the future hold for Spencer and Magdalene?
What nice thing will Beryl and Harold do for Fred?
Was Big Dick and Sazz’s relationship just a flash in the pan?
Find out in Episode 5 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 5.3: Rio Rehab
Tuesday 19th February 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Having still not discovered who killed her cat, a sad Magdalene and Reg bury Simon Baker and hold a small wake. Marcus, a roaming salesman, pops his head in and tries to sell the pair property on the moon but they are suspicious of this fraudster and instead, offer to show him the local sights.

Meanwhile, Fred has convinced Sazz to take credit for his recent anonymous crimes but he’s still struggling to control his evil split personality. It’s Magdalene’s medical opinion that Fred’s condition is being caused by his addiction to drinking cans of Rio and so she makes him go cold turkey. Word of Sazz’s criminal spree has reached Big Dick Johnson who corners her and, after a frank debate, the pair embrace and go on a romantic joyride together. Whilst driving, Dick admits last week he ran over a cat.

Memorable Moments:
– Big Dick Johnson considering local crime for an entire scene – alone, unmoving, in silence.
– A jolly musical montage as Reg showed Marcus the local sights including the town’s obelisk, laundrette, pub, cliff and soap opera hotspot, Lyle Hill.

Will the rehab work to cure Fred’s condition?
Is this the start of something special between Sazz and Big Dick?
Will Reg ever find true love?
Find out in Episode 4 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 5.2: The Cat That Got Creamed
Tuesday 5th February 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

In a continued attempt to appease Spencer by committing crimes just to give the Detective something to do, Fred assaults himself but Spencer demands the stakes be raised. Fred thinks things are getting out of control and his anxiety begins to spark an evil split personality (with the voice of Marlon Brando) within him. Pc Malcolm is investigating with the help of Big Dick Johnson; both are very keen to discover who this new criminal in town is.

Love is in the air for Harold and Beryl but after a couple of semi-successful dates, Harold confides in Sazz that he’s not sure whether he really loves Beryl. Meanwhile Magdalene still can’t decide who she prefers, Rev. Adrian or Spencer, but has vowed to date whoever asks her out second. She is helping Adrian deal with his crisis of faith by experimenting with different religions but she’s still concerned about her lost cat. After spotting her pet, Reg chases it across rooftops and through traffic but he eventually find’s Magdalene’s cat murdered.

Memorable Moments:
– Pc Malcolm and Detective Spencer recording a statement about Fred’s assault entirely through finger puppetry.
– Sazz: “Well, you know what they say, love is blind.” Harold: “Yeah, but I’m not.”

Who killed Magdalene’s cat?
How will Fred deal with his evil split personality?
Do Harold and Beryl have a future together?
Find out in episode 3 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 5.1: Date Night
Tuesday 22nd January 2013 at The Wardrobe Theatre

It’s been 2 months since we last visited the small community of Newtown. Reg is back from his cruise and Reverend Adrian has returned from travelling South America and everyone seems to be in the mood for love. Harold Pilgrim and Sazz decide to host a Speed Dating Night at the pub with all the town in attendance. After several rounds of 2 minute flirting, Beryl has helped Harold discover the touch of an older woman, Reg has developed a crush on Harold, and whilst falling instantly for Detective Spencer, Magdalene ends up dancing in the moonlight with Adrian.

Meanwhile, Detective Spencer is exasperated with the lack of crime about and so a willing Fred offers to become his nemesis. Fred will cause problems and commit crimes just to give Spencer something to do and for his first case, Fred breaks into his own café. However, his antics have caught the attention of Big Dick Johnson who’s not happy there’s another criminal operating in Newtown.

Memorable Moments:
– During the speed dating under the steely glare of Big Dick Johnson, an outrageously forward Beryl straddles Harold Pilgrim causing the teenager to prematurely ejaculate before their 2 minute date was even up.

Who does Magdalene love more – Spencer or Adrian?
What will Big Dick do when he tracks down this new criminal?
Can Reg get Harold to notice him?
Find out in Episode 2 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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SEASON 4:

Episode 4.7: German Charades and Scapegoats (Xmas Special)
Tuesday 11th December 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Fred is so impressed with how well Harold Pilgrim has been running the Cocktail Bar that as a bold gesture of Christmas goodwill, he hands the young man the lease. The bar has caused Fred nothing but trouble over the past few months and he is happy to be back in his beloved café. An overwhelmed Harold hastily renames the pub “The Johnny Bar” and invites the entire community round for a festive opening party.

After an intense meeting, Big Dick Johnson and Fritz conclude they need a scapegoat to deflect all the unwanted attention their business has been getting from the police recently. They corner Mary who is wracked with guilt after shooting Lucinda last week (Lucinda required reconstructive surgery on her boob but is otherwise fine) and they convince her she must leave for Kuwait at once to lie low. Dick and Fritz hand Mary all the evidence of their money laundering (cleverly disguised as gold, frankincense and myrrh) and after saying goodbye to everyone, Fred drives Mary most of the way to the airport.


More photos from this episode here.

Memorable Moments:
– Harold Pilgrim’s hugely anticlimactic naming of ‘The Johnny Bar’.
– The whole community taking turns to play German charades.

How will Harold fair in running his own bar?
Is Fritz and Dick’s business in the clear?
How will Fred cope without his beloved Mary?
Find out in Season 5 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 4.6: A Wiff Of Dirty Laundering
Tuesday 27th November 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Pc Malcolm’s boss, Detective Spencer, is furious that crime is so out of control in Newtown and he targets Big Dick and Fritz’s crime ring. After interviewing some of the community, Malcolm and Spencer confront Fritz in the bank accusing him of laundering money through a housing development he has on the edge of town. The pair don’t have any evidence however so Fritz gets away but the German is very shaken by the confrontation and desperately tries to contact Big Dick. He visits Harold who has been raising prices and changing the menu at Fred’s Cocktail Bar, to a mixed reaction.

Lucinda takes Beryl rabbit shooting but her favourite spot is being turned into houses by Fritz and Dick’s new development. Mary is there having a hard time controlling all the builders but Lucinda soon scares them all away with her shotgun. Protective of her son’s business interests, Beryl puts a gun into Mary’s hands and together they shoot Lucinda!

Memorable Moments:
– Harold creating the bustling atmosphere of a very busy cocktail bar alone onstage.
– Pc Malcolm and Det. Spencer repeatedly descending into excruciatingly tedious conversations and the drawn out fading lights to end their scenes.

Will Lucinda recover after her shooting?
Can Pc. Malcolm and Det. Spencer break the crime ring?
Can Fritz outrun the law?
Find out in Episode 7 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 4.5: The Way Zoo Make Me Feel
Tuesday 13th November 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Fred has been released from hospital despite his acute loss of memory. The attack has awoken Mary’s feelings but Fred can’t comprehend starting a relationship while she still works for him, and so fires her on the spot. Meanwhile, Harold Pilgrim is tutoring Big Dick Johnson and has started setting him homework. In return, Dick has been educating Harold in the ways of being a Good Samaritan and as a first step, Harold offers to fill the vacancy at Fred’s Cocktail Bar if Mary will go work for Dick’s building business. Harold’s gift with numbers and eagerness to raise prices could save the bar whilst Dick has convinced Mary to do his homework for him.

Sazz has been released from hospital too and she still can’t remember who ran her over (much to Magdalene’s relief). The whole traumatic experience has helped her find God and she vows to help Reverend Adrian who himself is having a crisis of faith.

Star-cross lovers Reg and Pc Malcolm go on a romantic date to the zoo but all the animals they visit are having sex. It frays Malcolm’s patience and in a passionate argument, he declares their relationship has just been a big gay joke. The devastated Reg finds solace in Magdalene who encourages him to embrace his sexuality by going on a big gay voyage.

Memorable Moments:
– On the microphone the directors mimicking the sounds of pandas, spiders, wolverines and penguins having sex at the zoo.

Can Rev Adrian recover from this crisis of faith?
Will Harold save Fred’s Cocktail Bar?
Is this curtains for Malcolm and Reg’s relationship?
Find out in Episode 6 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 4.4: A Dance With The Devil (Halloween Special)
Tuesday 30th October 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

It’s Halloween in Newtown and Harold Pilgrim is going door to door ‘Trick Or Treating’. Fred warns Harold about the sexual appetite of Lucinda but she is very welcoming to the teenager and together they bake a cake to take to a Halloween Party at the church later.

Mary has finally moved into Fred’s Cocktail Bar but she’s made to regret her decision by Fred’s insistence in them watching a Rambo marathon that evening. She talks it all through with Lucinda and is forced to reconsider her true feelings for Fred.

Rev Adrian is returning from the hospital where Sazz seems to be recovering well. In his absence, Big Dick Johnson has finished renovating the church although Adrian is a little concerned at the crudeness of the redesign. That evening at the church’s Halloween Party, Big Dick makes the community conduct a ritual to try and summon The Devil to defeat evil once and for all. After joining hands, admitting to sins and some chanting, the lights flicker and in the darkness Satan can be heard. Adrian attacks him but when the lights flick back on, it is Fred who has been badly beaten!

Memorable Moments:
– Big Dick Johnson reminiscing about when he used to go ‘Trick Or Treating’ with his gang, or as they called it ‘Trick Or Tricking’; “Open up, this is a fucking burglary!”

Will Fred by OK after his beating?
How will Reverend Adrian react after his mistake?
Can Mary admit she loves Fred?
Find out in Episode 5 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 4.3: The Midnight Mushroom Hit and Run
Tuesday 16th October 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

The ghoulish encounter with his brother has shown Big Dick Johnson he must change his ways. He vows to be good from now on and does so by forfeiting the Scrabble Tournament final to Harold and taking the homeless and lonely teenager under his wing. The pair also start working with Fritz to renovate the church, the first of Fritz and Dick’s new building contracts.

Meanwhile, Mary is moving out of her sister’s house to go live in the Cocktail Bar. Saddened by this, Magdalene visits Lucinda’s mansion (where Beryl has started work as a cleaner and cook) and Lucinda decides to take Magdalene on a spa trip.

Needing a quick cash injection to safe the failing Cocktail Bar, Fred collects a briefcase of money from some mysterious loan sharks but they want their money back in 7 days with interest. Paniced, Fred follows Sazz’s advice and he, Sazz and Mary go picking magic mushrooms on the edge of town in the middle of the night to sell on. They encounter Reg who has been sat out here all day after being stood up by Pc Malcolm. Suddenly Lucinda and Magdalene burst through the field in their Land Rover and don’t notice as they run over Sazz!

Memorable Moments:
– A communication breakdown between Fred and Sazz; “I was with you right up until you said ‘…go and celebraaate’.” (She had said; “Go and sell them mate.”).

Will Sazz be alright after the hit and run?
Can Fred’s plan to pay off the debt work?
How will Harold fair as Big Dick’s understudy?
Find out in Episode 4 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 4.2: Ascension at a Scrabble Tournament
Tuesday 2nd October 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Back in town after a turbulent 2 years away, Pc Malcolm McFouk confides in Rev Adrian that he wants Reg back. Meanwhile, Mary and Magdalene have been helping the Reverend solve the church’s dwindling congregation; he needs fresh ideas to attract young people. Later that evening he hosts a scrabble tournament and is delighted when a teenager called Harold Pilgrim comes to the church for the first time. Harold battles his way to the tournament final where he will play against Big Dick Johnson.

Across town, Fred’s Cocktail Bar is failing and he can’t convince Lucinda to invest, whilst Dick has just gone into business with Fritz to build lots of new homes in Newtown.

Little Jimmy is still haunting Reg and the pair work hard to try and find any unfinished business Jimmy might have in town. They visit Beryl and help her find her true calling as a cleaner, before encountering Big Dick. Reg realises that Dick needs to forgive Jimmy and embrace the brotherly friendship they once shared and as they do so, Jimmy finally ascends to heaven.

Memorable Moments:
– Super-fast scrabble montage to church bells!
– A brotherly embrace Ghost potting wheel parody to Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers.

Who will win the scrabble tournament – Big Dick or Harold?
Can Pc Malcolm hope to get Reg back?
Is Fred’s Cocktail Bar doomed?
Find out in Episode 3 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 4.1: A Ghost and an Escaped Convict walk into a Cocktail Bar
Tuesday 18th September 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

It’s been 2 years since we last visited the small community of Newtown, during which time Big Dick Johnson has been in prison. He’s upset having been framed for the murder of his brother and when Reverend Adrian visits to offer support, all Big Dick wants is help escaping – a feat he eventually manages alone. Little Jimmy Johnson is still in town however, now in the form of a ghost that only Reg can see. Having visited heaven, Jimmy’s Ghost has returned to warn of a terrible and ambiguous threat heading towards Newtown. After being accidentally run over by Magdalene and Lucinda on horseback, Reg visits Adrian for advice on ghosts and the afterlife as he thinks he’s going crazy.

Having finally got his hands on the pub, tonight is the opening of Fred’s Cocktail Bar. After overcoming a few alcohol licensing issues with Mary (who now works at the bar), she and Fred are handing out some strange new cocktail recipes and everyone is having a wonderful time – then Big Dick Johnson bursts in! Everyone’s sure there’ll be violence but Dick just wants a drink and to be everyone’s friend.

Memorable Moments:
– New cocktail names including a Mick Hucknall’s Rucksack, a Mercedes Applebottom Boobley, a Manchester United Sex Scandal, a Danny Glover’s Cigar Collection.

Can Fred keep his new business venture afloat?
How long will Reg be haunted by Little Jimmy?
Does Big Dick really want to be friends?
Find out in Episode 2 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Season 3:

Episode 3.11: Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Colt
Tuesday 26th June 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Following the car accident, Jimmy wakes up in hospital and Reg is forced to tell him that Judith has died. Adrian is distraught but more from the loss of his much loved Cleo. Sazz tries to console the Reverend and ignites some sparky sexual chemistry between them.

With Big Dick Johnson bankrupt, Fred intends to swoop in and purchase his pub, turning it into ‘Fred’s Cocktail Bar’. He gets his German estate agent friend, Fritz, to help survey the place but whilst doing so, the pair uncover Dick’s secret stash of firearms, including a Colt 45. Dick meanwhile is back from Albuquerque and is looking for Magdalene but Mary reveals that she has suffered a full mental breakdown and is now in a mental institution. A furious Dick demands Mary drive there with him but a call from Fritz concerned about the guns forces him to turn around.

Having lost his wife, Little Jimmy is out for revenge, blaming all his woes on Big Dick Johnson. He resolves to finally get rid of his brother and gets most of the town to help: Reg recovers the Colt from the pub (whilst being careful not to get his fingerprints on it) and then he and Rev Adrian meet Jimmy in Big Dick’s garage to be “witnesses”. As Big Dick arrives home, Jimmy angrily confronts him after an emotional speech, shoots himself in the head! With Dick’s fingerprints on the gun and Reg and Adrian willing to testify against him, Big Dick Johnson is going to be framed for the murder of his brother!!!

What will happen to Big Dick Johnson?
Can Fred get his hands on the pub?
Will Magdalene ever recover?
Find out in Season 4 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 3.10: Magdalene’s Marvellous Medicines
Tuesday 12th June 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Mary is in town for her sister’s wedding but Magdalane is still having doubts about it and so takes a special potion she has brewed to calm her. The powerful concoction however results in a complete loss of memory!

Having been unable to get Big Dick’s money together in time, Jimmy, Judith and Reg resolve to leave town as soon as possible, but on hearing that Dick has gone to Albuquerque to kidnap Candy, the three instead head for the airport to stop him. On route, Jimmy drops in at Magdalene’s surgery for some drugs to help with his fear of flying but is accidentally given the powerful pills that previously drugged Reg. A tip-off from Rev Adrian that Big Dick knows they are coming makes Judith incredibly anxious and so she takes several of the pills. As the drugs kick in, Judith loses control of the car and crashes!

Have Jimmy, Judith and Reg survived the crash?
Will the wedding go ahead after Magdalene’s memory loss?
Can Big Dick Johnson stoop any lower?
Find out in Episode 11 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 3.9: The Johnson Credit Countdown
Tuesday 29th May 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

During some couple’s counseling, mediated by Rev Adrian, Magdalene considers taking Big Dick back if he goes on a soul cleansing trip to Albuquerque. She also wants Dick to experience a similar pain to that which she is going through from the loss of Dr. Ferguson and so implies that if Jimmy were to be killed, their wedding would be back on.

Judith, Jimmy and Reg are no closer to getting together the £250,000 they owe Big Dick and they only have 12 hours left to pay! Overly stressed by the situation, Reg seeks medical help from the emotional Magdalene who donates £50,000 on-the-spot but also accidentally drugs him. Suffering from some peculiar side-effects, Reg visits Fred (the smug, softdrink-obsessed café owner) to help think of quick money schemes and is inspired to sell some fake antiques online, which Beryl later accidentally pays for. Jimmy meanwhile offers the relatively wealthy Fred a night of passion with Judith for the money, with a mixed reaction. With time finally up, Judith, Jimmy and Reg arrive at the pub and hand Big Dick a suitcase which he stares into aghast!

Have Jimmy, Judith and Reg managed to get the money together in time?
Did Fred agree to the “indecent proposal”?
Is Magdalene’s and Big Dick’s wedding back on?
Find out in Episode 10 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 3.8: Reg’s Revenge
Tuesday 15th May 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

After an unpleasant morning being taught “How to be a Johnson”, Adrian has decided he wants as little to do with the family as possible in the future. Big Dick Johnson meanwhile confronts Magdalene in her surgery and demands to be examined, complaining of symptoms of a broken heart. Magdalene is holding firm though, she’s had enough of his lies and the wedding is off. Instead she intends to be reunited with her true love, Dr. Ferguson, by cloning him from his ashes.

Judith is back in town and although she has been cured of the disease that forced her away suddenly, baby Candi remains in Albuquerque for further tests. To afford all the medical bills, she has spent all of her, Little Jimmy’s and Big Dick’s savings. Fulfilling his promise to Judith, Reg finally tracks Little Jimmy down and fully intends to kill him but Judith bursts in just in time to stop the murder. Disaster seems to have been averted but not before Big Dick Johnson arrives, distraught from his breakup and furious that Judith has spent his savings, putting his pub at risk. He demands the three of them get him his money back in 24 hours or there’ll be hell to pay.

Can Judith, Jimmy and Reg get the money together in time?
Will Adrian be clear of the Johnsons so easily?
What will it take for Magdalene to take Big Dick back?
Find out in Episode 9 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 3.7: The Exorcism of Quentin Fantastic
Tuesday 1st May 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Following the sad death of Dr. John Ferguson, the entire town gather at the church for his cremation – everyone, that is, except the Johnsons. Big Dick, Little Jimmy and their mother, Beryl, instead hold a boozy wake of their own in the pub. Reverend Adrian pops in to report that Magdalene was at the service and payed for the whole thing before disappearing. The enraged Big Dick drags the Rev to Magdalene’s office and learns that not only does his fiancé intend to leave him, but that Big Dick is in imminent danger from the law! Big Dick quickly promises Adrian all his drugs back if the Rev takes the rap for whatever Pc Malcolm is going to accuse him of.

After being attacked in the street by an unidentified figure, Little Jimmy wakes up in hospital with his split-personality more aggravated than ever. Having learnt his alter-ego has been trying to kill him off, Quentin flees but Beryl eventually drags him to the church where Big Dick and Rev Adrian have been making preparations for only last desperate attempt to rid Little Jimmy’s body of Quentin Fantastic – an exorcism! In a traumatic final scene, as his family hold him down and the Reverend chants religious passages, all the various demons inside Little Jimmy are exposed and expelled, including Quentin, leaving all the Johnsons euphoric.

What incriminating evidence has Pc Malcolm got on Big Dick?
Will there be any side-effects after Jimmy’s ordeal?
Is Big Dick Johnson’s and Magdalene’s relationship doomed?
Find out in Episode 8 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 3.6: Sex Tapes and Blackmail
Tuesday 10th April 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

At the church, Magdalene is confiding in the Reverend all her doubts about the upcoming wedding (including the fact she’s really in love with the currently hospitalised Dr. Ferguson) but now that Big Dick Johnson knows about his drug habit, the Rev is obligated to allay her fears.

Having resolved to keep his promise to Judith, Reg goes hunting for Little Jimmy armed with a tazer gun. He gets delayed at the Fitzgerald Mansion however where Lucinda has slept with and is now blackmailing Big Dick: she’s recorded their night of passion and unless Dick gets Jimmy back for her, she’ll show his fiancé the sex tape. As yet unflustered, Big Dick sends his mother (who has announced a shock engagement to the crooked Uncle Harry) to get the tape back.

The sudden disappearance of his wife and daughter has left Little Jimmy inconsolable. He tracks down Magdalene who eventually tells him that Judith’s disease has been brought on by the strange implant he received long ago. The furious Jimmy blames everything on Magdalene and, as revenge, insists that she prove her love for Big Dick Johnson by turning off Dr. Ferguson’s life support. Later at the hospital, being watched by everyone, Magdalene pulls the plug…!

Can Mrs Johnson get the sex tape back?
Will Reg manage to track down Little Jimmy?
Has Magdalene killed Dr. Ferguson?
Find out in Episode 7 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 3.5: Big Dick’s Baptism Switcheroo
Tuesday 27th March 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Big Dick wants to marry Magdalene as much as he wants the key to the Reverend’s gold stash but he can’t bring himself to get baptised. Instead, he convinces Lucinda to play him at today’s ceremony, offering Quentin’s heart in return. After some intense one-to-one Johnson tuition, Lucinda successfully pulls off the impersonation at the church and gets the key back. Her and Big Dick open the Reverend’s lock-up to find a huge stash of Afghan Gold and the pair get very high on the marijuana in celebration.

Meanwhile, Little Jimmy’s split-personality is making him chronically depressed. Judith reluctantly agrees to somehow kill Quentin whilst keeping Jimmy alive. Before she can go through with it however, Magdalene calls with some shocking news – Candi hasn’t been growing properly because the baby and Judith both have a terrible disease! In search of a cure, Judith leaves for Albuquerque right away but before she goes, she makes Reg promise that he will kill Quentin in her place.

Will Reg have the balls to go through with the killing?
How will Lucinda react now she’s aware of Big Dick’s deceptions?
How can the Reverend explain the drugs in his cellar?
Find out in Episode 6 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 3.4: Candi’s Christening
Tuesday 13th March 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Judith and Little Jimmy are arguing about going through with their daughter’s Christening and the dispute is settled with a race to the church. Judith wins and so the ceremony goes ahead, during which Mrs Johnson flirtatiously discovers where Reverend Adrian keeps the church’s gold locked away and then she gets Jimmy to steal the key. He tosses it out to her and Big Dick in the graveyard just as Magdalene is walking past! The Johnsons manage to cover up the fact they are up to no good but Magdalene keeps the key – they can only have it back after Big Dick gets baptised. He agrees but deviously plots to find a stooge to get baptised in his place.

Quentin hasn’t been answering Lucinda’s phone calls. After giving a few sex tips to Magdalene (during which she impersonates Big Dick Johnson), Lucinda concludes that the best way to keep Quentin in her life is to make him think that she is pregnant.

Later at a boozy post-Christening shindig, Judith drunkenly declares that she loves Little Jimmy and the pair go off for some very loud love-making. Meanwhile the Reverend and Sazz, a friend of Judith’s who’s been temping at the church, have a drunken heart-to-heart and the Reverend alludes to some dark misdemeanours in his past.


More photos from this episode here.

Will Big Dick’s plan to avoid his baptism work?
Will Judith feel the same about Jimmy in the sober light of day?
What will Mrs Johnson find in the Reverend’s lock-up?
Find out in Episode 5 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 3.3: Hellos and Goodbyes
Tuesday 28th February 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Big Dick and Magdalene’s wedding is on the horizon. Little Jimmy and Mrs Johnson are planning not only a Stag Do, but a scheme whereby Big Dick can carry on his devious ways whilst appearing squeaky clean in the eyes of his fiancé. As a test of commitment to his new life, Magdalene is insisting Big Dick soon be baptised by Newtown’s friendly and trendy new Reverend.

After a night of passion with Lucinda, Quentin is missing Judith and he tries to end his affair but Lucinda won’t hear of it. Meanwhile the Reverend is encouraging the depressed Judith to find the answer to her problems in God.

Reg is also back in town. Pc Malcolm confronts him in the supermarket and he reveals that his past has come back to haunt him. Belinda, his psycho ex-wife, wants Reg back and she’s out to get anyone close to him – especially Magdalene. Malcolm is cripplingly angry and upset with the whole messy affair but he and Reg manage to keep things amicable in an emotional final goodbye.

Can Magdalene make Big Dick go through with the baptism?
Will God hear Judith’s prayers?
What carnage awaits at the Johnsons’ Stag Do?
Find out in Episode 4 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 3.2: The Fitzgerald Mansion (Valentine’s Day Special)
Tuesday 14th February 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

It’s Valentine’s Day in Newtown and Little Jimmy Johnson has realised he’s really very much in love with Judith and vows to start treating her right. Meanwhile, Magdalene is pondering a marriage proposal from Big Dick Johnson and eventually agrees to it if, and only if, he stops breaking the law. Big Dick promises to change his ways but can’t help visiting Dr Ferguson in the hospital to gloat. It’s not roses and heart-shaped balloons for everyone however as Pc Malcolm discovers that Reg has moved out of their shared flat and has gone to be with his wife. Malcolm finds the situation difficult to swallow and runs off, desperately upset.

Across town Mrs Johnson is carrying out her plan to seduce Mr Fitzgerald. She plants her grand-daughter, Candi, on the doorstep of the Fitzgerald mansion (appealing to his nurturing instinct) but unexpectedly Lucinda, the wealthy landowner’s posh and air-headed daughter, answers. She invites Mrs Johnson in for tea whilst the Johnson brothers, Judith and Magdalene all watch them through the mansion’s windows. Quentin falls for Lucinda instantly and bursts in to start flirting outrageously. Outraged by this, Judith bursts in too confronting Quentin but he fobs her off and she leaves, confused and distraught.

Will Big Dick Johnson’s and Magdalene’s engagement last?
Can Pc Malcolm find Reg in time to save their relationship?
Will things ever start going right for Judith?
Find out in Episode 3 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 3.1: Seeds of Love
Tuesday 31st January 2012 at The Wardrobe Theatre

It’s been 18 months since we last eavesdropped on the small community of Newtown and Magdalene visits her colleague and lover Dr. Ferguson in the hospital – he’s been in a coma since Big Dick Johnson shot him in the liver.

Meanwhile, Mrs Johnson wants a man in her life and sets her eyes on wealthy local landowner, Mr. Fitzgerald. She gets the split personalities of Little Jimmy/Quentin Fantastic to help her plot the seduction, starting with elocution lessons and later by borrowing his and Judith’s new baby daughter. Judith is appalled by the plan but is shouted down and then is only allowed her baby back if she agrees to change its name to Candi.

Mrs Johnson isn’t the only one looking for love. Big Dick has started aggressively wooing Magdalene and he takes her on a romantic, jazz-fueled road trip to Greater Yarmouth. Magdalene is too terrified of the man who shot her beloved Dr. Ferguson to object!

How will Mrs Johnson fair in seducing Mr. Fitzgerald?
How much longer can Judith stand being part of the Johnson family?
Will Big Dick have his wicked way with Magdalene in Greater Yarmouth?
Will Candi’s nappy need changing?
Find out in Episode 2 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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SEASON 2:

Episode 2.7: The Christmas Party (Xmas Special – Part II)
Tuesday 20th December 2011 at The Wardrobe Theatre

It’s Christmas Eve in Newtown and Reg is delighted that Pc. Malcolm is back bearing presents (a Christmas pudding jumper made of goat hair) and the pair decide to host a Christmas party for the whole town. Meanwhile Judith has discovered she’s pregnant and is having trouble explaining to the father, Little Jimmy, about his split personalities. She detests Little Jimmy’s rude bluntness but is madly in love with his posh, friendly alter-ego Quentin Fantastic.

Across town Magdalene is furious with Dr. Ferguson and Rita who have got carried away implanting everyone they can in town when it was suppose to only be the Johnsons. After a chance encounter with Little Jimmy, the three decide to remove his implant but leave him in the mind of Quentin Fantastic. Later whilst on a double-date at a roller-disco with Magdalene, Judith and Quentin, Dr. Ferguson plots to implant everyone that night at Reg and Malcolm’s party. Just before he gets to the party however, The Corporation ring to demand he puts a halt to all his experiments. Someone is on to the Doctor’s scheme though; it’s Big Dick Johnson, who has already spent the money from the suitcase and is now the landlord of Newtown’s only pub.

That night at the party things take a turn for the bizarre as the experiments on Little Jimmy have caused Judith’s pregnancy to be absurdly sped up and she gives birth there and then in a suspiciously Nativity heavy scene. Dr. Ferguson delivers the child but no sooner than he’s handed the baby to Judith than Big Dick bursts in with a gun that he fires in the direction of the Doctor!

**This episode was Live Tweeted during the entire performance via The Wardrobe Theatre’s twitter account. Click here to see a selection of the tweeted highlights.**

Will the Doctor survive the shooting?
How will Judith cope with suddenly becoming a mother?
Will Quentin’s/Little Jimmy’s split personalities last?
Will Big Dick get away scot free again?
Find out in Season 3 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 2.6: Lyle Hill (Xmas Special – Part I)
Tuesday 6th December 2011 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Twelve days before Christmas. Having fallen off a cliff in the boot of a car, Reg is on crutches after being treated by Dr. Ferguson. Pc. Malcolm had chased the vehicle to the edge of the cliff, fallen off and is now stuck on an outcrop with some goats. The briefcase of money that was with Reg in the car has been hidden in a rabbithole on Lyle hill and he intends to collect it. Big Dick has taken his weary mother under his wing and they are preparing for Christmas, he has some big plans for when he retrieves his stolen money.

The Doctor has returned from Alberkirky with equipment to implant seven more people with the transformative device but Magdalene has left the town on urgent business and in her absence he gets carried away with the scheme and instead of implanting evil people, he implants Reg who then becomes uncontrollably Christmassy. Dr. Ferguson is joined by Rita, another of the corporation’s agents sent to the town to find Little Jimmy. Little Jimmy, still with the malfunctioned implant inside him, has a bad head ache and remembers nothing from his time as Quentin Fantastic. He kidnaps Judith the funeral director and forces her to take him to his missing money.

Big Dick gets an anonymous tip off that his money is on Lyle hill and heads there with his mother who then falls down a rabbit hole. Rita from the corporation is keen to go rabbit hunting so Dr. Ferguson takes her to the hill to look for rabbits but they stumble across Little Jimmy and Judith. Reg turns up to collect the money to see Rita and the doctor switching Little Jimmy to his alter ego Quentin Fantastic. Silently, in the gorse bushes, Big Dick retrieves the briefcase of money and makes his way down the steep cliff path…

Will Pc. Malcolm be rescued from the goats?
Will Little Jimmy be relieved of his implantation?
Will the corporation get their hands on the Johnsons?
And what will Big Dick do with his money?
Find out in Episode 7 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 2.5: The Hotel
Tuesday 22nd November 2011 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Magdalene awakes after a night of passion with Dr Ferguson to find him gone to Albuquerque to fetch implantation supplies. In the mean time she sets out to find Little Jimmy to monitor his behaviour since his recent implantation. Little jimmy has locked himself away in the town’s coastal hotel and has his mother held hostage and strapped to a bomb in the cupboard. Big Dick, still after his money, finds PC Malcolm and wants to know where Reg is but the policeman hasn’t seen him since they were held at gunpoint by Little Jimmy. Big Dick sends Malcolm to the hotel to find Jimmy but Malcolm ends up getting tied up with Mrs Johnson where Jimmy reveals that Reg is locked in the boot of his car with the money.

Bruno from the corporation arrives in Newtown to find Big Dick but when he meets Magdalene he is informed, to his astonishment, that the object is now in Little Jimmy and warns her that it will malfunction and is only meant to be implanted in one person. Meanwhile Little Jimmy has a heart attack, wakes up as an alter ego ‘Quentin Fantastic’ and makes love to Judith, the funeral director.

Big Dick storms the hotel in search of the useless Pc. Malcolm and his mother. He breaks into the hotel room ready to murder his thieving brother but finds him transformed into the rather affable Quentin. Suddenly Judith bursts in panicking that Little Jimmy’s car is rolling off the cliff with Reg in the boot. Big Dick, Judith and Pc. Malcolm run off to chase the car…

Will Reg survive?
Will Little Jimmy ever be the same again?
Who are the corporation and what do they want?
And where is Big Dick’s money?
Find out in Episode 6 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 2.4: The Memorial
Tuesday 8th November 2011 at The Wardrobe Theatre

It is a sad time for the town. After the crash involving Barry Johnson and Mildred Ferguson, everyone is a bit low. Widower Reg is feeling bereft, if not a little confused, and helps organises Mildred’s memorial. After clearing up the wreckage PC. Malcolm informs Reg and the funeral director Judith that they found no bodies. Malcolm has been feeling ill lately due to stress around the implantation of Big Dick Johnson all those years ago but cheers up when he meets Judith who is an old school friend. They go for a catch up drink where he reveals his true love for Reg. Inspired by Judith’s encouraging words he finds Reg and armed with the key fob found in the wreckage, they set off to retrieve the Johnson’s money from the safety deposit box.

Dr. Ferguson is grieving the death of his daughter but carries on with his mysterious scientific practice as usual. Him and Magdalene decide to implant the mysterious object inside Little Jimmy Johnson and at Mildred’s memorial, where the whole town is gathered, they drug Little Jimmy. The guests pay tribute to Mildred but Big Dick Johnson crashes the memorial turning it into a moving service for his deceased father. Later on, in the dead of night, the doctor and Magdalene implant the mysterious object is into Little Jimmy who is then left outside the surgery. Dr. Ferguson, separated from his wife for ten years, gets a little cosy with Magdalene after the midnight implantation session. Big Dick finds Little Jimmy in the street and they have a stand off. Big Dick tells his younger brother he will never take control of the family. Little Jimmy is convinced things will go his way when he reveals to his brother that he has strapped a bomb onto their mother. Little Jimmy heads for the safety deposit box, catching PC. Malcolm and Reg red handed and pulls a gun on them…

Will Malcolm and Reg be OK?
Has Little Jimmy gone too far?
Is Big Dick losing control?
And where is poor Mrs Johnson?
Find out in Episode 5 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 2.3: Wedding Crashers
Tuesday 25th October 2011 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Dr. Ferguson returns home with Magdalene, an American scientist whose idea it was to implant the mysterious object into Big Dick. Barry and Big Dick are keen to find the missing money and search the town for a twelve inch key fob. Little Jimmy plans to marry Mildred, get rid of his brother and take control of the Johnson family but a marriage invitation is misread by Mildred and she ends up engaged to Reg. All the townsfolk gather at the wedding but when Big Dick and Little Jimmy finally come face to face a fight ensues and in the chaos Barry runs off with Mildred. The two the speed away down the motorway but a lapse of attention from Barry causes the pair to crash head first into oncoming traffic…

What does Magdalene want with the people of the town?
Will Little Jimmy take over the Johnson family?
What happened to Barry and Mildred?
Find out in Episode 4 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 2.2: Daddy Johnson
Tuesday 11th October 2011 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Dr. Ferguson is out of town. In his absence, Big Dick is joined by Barry, the ‘orrible head of the family. Barry has come to chase Big Dick about his money and the mysterious object that Big Dick coughed up. Little Jimmy Johnson has hidden the money in a safety deposit box and given the key to Mildred, the doctor’s daughter.

Big Dick, Barry and the mysterious woman discuss their plan; she is to impersonate the chief of police to find out more about the local policeman Malcolm who is known as a corrupt copper throughout the land. Barry discusses the time he carelessly put Big Dick forward for a medical experiment in which doctors implanted the mysterious object inside his body. Big Dick tells Barry that the object might be at the Doctor’s surgery and Barry goes to search.

After Malcolm’s near homosexual board game antics, his week has gone from bad to worse. Little Jimmy Johnson has an awkward encounter with Malcolm at the pub and Malcolm warns Jimmy he doesn’t want another kerfuffle. Little Jimmy later asks Mildred to find out more about Malcolm for him. Malcolm wishes the doctor were there for his medication and support in this unusual time. When he arrives at work he reveals his past history with Dr Ferguson to the mysterious woman, posing in her cunning spectacled disguise.

Mildred tries to get information about Malcolm from his friend Reg, who then says that Malcolm will be fine unless a man called Barry turns up. Barry enters the pub as well as Big Dick and the mysterious woman. They all wait for Malcolm to finish work and arrive. Malcolm enters with something to say…

What is the link between Pc. Malcolm and the Dr Ferguson?
What was implanted in Big Dick so many years ago?
Why is everyone so interested?
And what did Malcolm say?
Find out in Episode 3 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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Episode 2.1: Arrivals
Tuesday 27th September 2011 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Big Dick Johnson arrives in town, a man with a past looking to the future. He visits the local doctor where he coughs up a mysterious object. Dr. Ferguson describes it as “a creature, but mechanical”. Later, the doctor realises he knew Big Dick many moons ago, although he was then known as “Big Richard”. Big Dick finds a prostitute in a bush and tries to turn her life around by offering a job. He asks her to pretend to be a sales rep at the medical supplies shop in order to spy on the doctor as Big Dick reveals to her that he is an “impostor”.

Milly Ferguson, the doctors’ teenage daughter, dreams of being a singer in the big city but her father won’t let her leave. She runs away from home and meets ‘Clint Westwood’ a charming music producer. Little does she know Clint is in fact Little Jimmy Johnson; in town to get revenge on his older brother Big Dick. A kerfuffle ensues outside La Senza in the local shopping centre after Dr. Ferguson catches Milly with Clint. The local policeman Malcolm is called in to sort things out.

Malcolm has had quite an evening of his own. After nearly spending the night with the prostitute, he instead ends up drunk with his housemate Reg playing a very intense game of ‘adult scrabble’ which neither of the pair are too keen on discussing the morning after…

What is the doctor’s secret?
Will Milly ever leave the town?
Why is Little Jimmy Johnson so intent on revenge?
Will Malcolm and Reg ever get it on?
And who is Barry?
Find out in Episode 2 of Closer Each Day: The Improvised Soap Opera.

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SEASON 1:

Episode 1.3: Edinburgh
Monday 20th June 2011 at The Wardrobe Theatre

***The synopsis of Episode 1.3 of Closer Each Day has been lost in the ether. All that can be remembered was the community all travelled to Edinburgh to take a show to the Fringe***

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Episode 1.2: Battle of the Bands
Monday 6th June 2011 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Ahead of tomorrow’s music battle, Billy and Oscar are forming a band and recruit singer Daisy Shortround – in return, they must help her find her friend Short Kim. That night, Nurse Jackie rings Big Dick Johnson to tell him how a drunken Short Kim (their band’s saxophonist) has been brought to the hospital and is fighting for his life. Dick says the music battle must go ahead even if Morris Chumberbatch has to play both instruments.

Tabitha is present at the music battle as a judge. After the bands play, Nurse Jackie bursts in to reveal Short Kim is dead, but later at the hospital an emotional Daisy reveals that it’s not Kim’s body! Across town, Tabitha is saying her final goodbyes to Oscar. She reveals she had a childhood romance with Big Dick Johnson and in fact, Billy isn’t Oscar’s son, but Dick’s!

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Episode 1.1: The Beginning
Thursday 26th May 2011 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Owner of a Bristol bed and breakfast, Oscar Croft is informing his son, Billy, about how the boy’s mother, Tabitha, has left to be with another man. The pair console themselves at a concert where their friend, the Northern jazz flutist Morris Cumberbatch, is performing – but Morris is struggling; he’s lost his inspiration.

Two strangers arrive at the Croft’s B+B during a rainy storm. John Dickson and Dick Johnson are from the nearby village of Swanbra and seem to know more than they are letting on about the disappearance of Oscar’s wife. An argument ensues and the strangers are kicked out. Later they win Morris to their cause in the pub, much to the dismay of Oscar and he demands a music battle to get his wife back.

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Pilot
Saturday 21st May 2011 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Inspired by the cult live soap operas of North America (like Die Nasty which has been running for 21 seasons), a group of local performers took to the stage during The Wardrobe Theatre’s opening party to present a mini 15 minute pilot of Closer Each Day and primarily introduce the show’s characters.

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