Episode 20.1: ‘Modern Art is Shit’

Gina Pitts has got a new pub, but no money to stock it. Constance Sugar gives her £10,000, in return she wants a big portrait of herself up on the wall of the pub. Gina gets Candi Johnson to work on it, but although she has the enthusiasm she does not have the skills – it is an unflattering mess and Constance takes back her money. Meanwhile, Candi’s uncle and Gina’s fiance, Big Dick Johnson, has already ordered £10,000 worth of stock for the pub, from a dodgy dealer who will get violent if they don’t pay up. Gina is stressed but still does not want to hurt Candi’s feelings and tell her the art did not go down well. When Candi does find out Big Dick encourages her to go to art school and get some training.

Over at Simpkins’ hotel, Simpkins is trying to convince Constance he really does want to treat her, because he loves her, and not just because he is trying to get her to forget about nearly losing all his money to Eliza when he was mooning over her (Eliza is now in jail). Simpkins thinks having Gina over to live with them will cheer Constance up and also asks Big Dick to cook a special meal for them. Constance hears about this and gets Big Dick to add a bit of salmonella to Simpkins’ plate. When they are sat down for the meal, Simpkins sees his plate looks better and swaps it with Constance’s while her back is turned. Constance has an instant reaction and her bottom turns itself inside out, captured on camera by Gina. In return for not sharing those photos with anyone, Constance gives back the £10,000. Candi does not know about the deal and has been accepted on to Grayson Perry’s TV art show, with the photo of Constance in extremis.

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