Dick is looking for a best man for his upcoming wedding. His only two available options are Simpkins (who he owes money to) and AJ (his parole officer), so he sets them a quest to go camping, but neglects to tell them about the cockroaches and snakes he placed in their campsite to keep them on their toes. As the only bridesmaid, Debita believes it is tradition to have a romantic fling with the best man, but is concerned as both candidates are in relationships with strong women, so she decides to do some fight-readiness training.
Constance’s leg is healing well after the accident, but she’s feeling guilt over murdering Eliza (not helped by Candi convincing her Eliza’s voice is talking to her from the fitness machine), so she goes to see Dick for advice. While watching a box set of The Wire, he tells her that she has two options: harden her heart and ignore it, or go and kill someone else!
Back on the quest, Simpkins believes he is actually in the Hunger Games and tricks AJ into eating some red berries to try and take him out of the running. It sends AJ mad, and he burns down the tent, just before the poison takes over and he collapses. Debita arrives and manages to save AJ with some herbs and CPR, but Candi mistakes her help for seduction, and challenges Debita to a fight which lasts 13 hours. They are both exhausted, but AJ is luckily saved. He tells Debita he owes her everything. Candi is devastated and breaks up with him.
Hungover the next day, Dick makes him and Constance cocktails but accidentally puts some super strength hot sauce in Constance’s drink which causes her to choke. He rushes to get help from AJ and Simpkins and says whoever saves her will be his best man. Drawing on his earlier near-death experience, AJ pulls a congealed glob of sauce from Constance’s throat and saves her! Simpkins is angry that he won’t be either best man or maid of honour, and withdraws Simpk Inns as the wedding venue and storms off, so Debita offers her mansion for the wedding instead. Candi is livid and says she won’t attend if AJ or Debita will be there. Constance stirs up Candi’s rage and tells her there’s only one solution: she needs to kill Debita!
Will the wedding actually happen? Will Candi make good on her threat? Has Constance gone too far to be redeemed?
- Debita channelling Kate Bush
- Dick listing all the ingenious ways he’s bumped off people in the past
- Candi applying different Shakespeare plays to each situation, despite never having read any.