Constance has been left alone at Christmas, since Simpkins has gone to Micronesia to visit their kids and think about the state of their relationship. She decides to get Lady Saffron a present, but gets distracted in the shops and ends up buying herself lots of gifts instead. Elsewhere, Dick realises he needs to make a big gesture to Gina to help their marriage and enlists Debita to get her the best Christmas present ever. After brainstorming what Gina loves, they decide on stealing a leopard from the zoo and covering it in glitter!
Meanwhile, Lady Saffron has gone to see AJ to sign on for jobseeker’s allowance. However, Newtown Council has run out of money so AJ gets her a job as an elf at the shopping centre. Over at the pub, unbeknownst to Gina, her Uncle Carl has been secretly staying upstairs for the last few months; he spent all the money she gave him some years back and he’s now broke. Deciding to try and make something of himself, Uncle Carl decides to go and work as Santa at the shopping centre too.
Dick and Debita’s leopard theft goes relatively successfully (Debita only receives a few minor wounds). However, as Dick is explaining to Debita how he will now declare his love for Gina, Gina walks in and thinks he’s actually telling Debita he loves her! In a rage, Gina storms off and smashes up the Christmas decorations at the pub and then calls AJ to tell him she can no longer sponsor Dick’s parole… and AJ takes him back to jail!
An emergency parole hearing sees Constance roped in as judge at the courthouse. Dick tells Gina that she’s right: he doesn’t deserve her, and he should go back to prison. But after hearing him and seeing the glittery leopard (which has been tamed and brought into court as evidence), she decides it’s an incredibly romantic display of affection… and forgives him. Christmas – and Dick and Gina’s relationship – is saved!
- The running gag of awkwardly climbing through windows when something important is happening
- Debita and Constance talking Italian to charm the leopard
- Uncle Carl’s overdramatic tumble when Gina throws a small Christmas decoration at him
- Constance’s start to Christmas Day: a bottle of champagne and some light masturbation