Episode 24.2: ‘The Seaman Expects’ (200th Episode!)

It is the 200th anniversary of Newtown Shipping Inc. and Debita (voting for Candi and the Newtown People’s Party) and Constance (Candi’s rival in the race) each decide to buy the residents of Newtown a holiday on board The Seaman Expects cruise ship to try and win them over. On board, sisters Dotty and Geraldine have been put into the same room, much to their displeasure as it’s soon revealed that Dotty likes to tell people how much of a loser her sister is. Ex-baker Suzie Schlovely has met her old flame Fred on board and they rekindle their romance, while Gina and Dick decide to try and seduce other passengers with a combination of wiggling and remaining very still (neither move works). Elsewhere, Simpkins, Anthony Pewell and Constance plot to poison Candi and Debita when they get to Mykonos; Anthony is furious that Debita sold his mansion to pay for the cruise tickets. However, the plot fails when Lady Saffron almost drinks the poison herself. The cruise heads to Skiathos, leaving Debita, Candi and Geraldine behind on Mykonos.

On board, AJ runs into his old friend Billy DeBerg, who has been freelancing as a captain and washed-up entertainer Eddie Max who convinces AJ to perform a puppet show. He does so well, Captain Billy lets him drive the cruise ship – and he promptly hits some rocks and runs aground! Geraldine sees the ship sinking and swims to rescue Dotty, not realising that Dotty was doing the same thing to save her. Luckily, they eventually reunite and make it to land. The rest of the crew and passengers get to safety using a lifeboat and Constance’s enormous breasts as lifebuoys. After Suzie gets locked in her cabin as the ship goes down, Fred courageously rescues her and the two decide to go travelling together. However, Captain Billy appears to have drowned – luckily, Candi and Dick revive him with CPR.

Back at the pub, after the eventful cruise, Constance and Candi have had a bitter confrontation about the attempted murder and upcoming election, but it is revealed that they were both so riled up that their only outlet was… to kiss!

What will happen to Constance and Candi’s love-hate relationship? Have Dotty and Geraldine finally made up? And where will Debita live now the mansion is sold?

Memorable moments:

• Billy DeBerg’s body repeatedly being washed up by the sea.

• Gina and Dick’s failed seduction attempts

• The group reminiscing about Newtown’s landmarks, Lyle Hill, the river Newt, and the last Woolworths in the country

• Constance: “Halloumi squeaks when you eat it.” Fred: “That’s not the only thing that squeaks when you eat it.”