Episode 21.9: ‘In Sickness and in Health’

It’s Dick and Gina’s wedding day. As Gina gets ready in the morning in Debita’s mansion, Constance tries to sew the seeds of potentially fatal accidents that could befall Debita, which sends Gina into paranoia about her own possible death. Elsewhere in the mansion, AJ and Debita are setting up the decorations but the romantic tension between them keeps on building, while a thunderstorm is brewing over Newtown.

Dick convinces Candi to come to the wedding, but Candi only agrees so she can walk Gina down the aisle and also secretly work with Constance – who poisons Debita’s herbal tea next to the punch bowl meant for wedding guests.

In the meantime, outside, AJ walks Gina across the grounds in the middle of the storm with an umbrella. Gina stays dry but gets cold, so has a cup of herbal tea to warm up fifteen minutes before the ceremony! However, Constance has accidentally put the poison in the wrong bowl, so while Gina (and Debita) are safe, the guests might not be…As Gina walks down the aisle, Constance and Candi knock the punch out of the hands of most of the guests and drag away the bodies of the ones that have already drunk it.

At the altar, AJ is left with a choice – does he go and stand with Debita on the bride’s side, or with Candi on the groom’s side? He hears statements from both ladies and chooses… Debita!

At the reception, telegrams are read out from Fred, Dick’s brother and mum (Harold and Beryl), and a card from Candi in which she begs AJ not to leave her for Debita. He gives his best man speech, but is interrupted by a drunken Candi who tells him that she has deliberately had some of the poisoned punch! As they wait for an ambulance, Candi learns that Debita wasn’t actually seducing AJ on the best man camping trip as she had mistakenly thought, but saving his life! Realising her mistake, she decides she wants to live – but the only thing that can counteract deadly nightshade are the E numbers in blue Smarties. Gina rushes to extract them from an Easter egg using the juicer she got as
a wedding present, while in the middle of the mayhem AJ and Debita can deny their feelings no longer and kiss!

Will Candi be saved in time?

Will AJ and Debita’s romance last?

How many people has Constance killed?

And where will Gina and Dick go on their honeymoon?

Find out in Season 22 – starting on September 13th !

Memorable moments:

  • The panic covering up the collapsed guests as Gina walks down the aisle
  • AJ immediately turning to Debita after Candi’s moving, heartfelt speech and saying “OK, what about you?”
  • Candi and AJ taking separate turns demolishing the cake in sadness

Season 22 starts in September!

Well, Season 21 was a total blast. We shall never forget it. The joy of being back at the Wardrobe after 15 months of enforced absence due to the ugly pandemic business, and the wonderful warmth and loud appreciation of our socially distanced audiences – it was just incredible. And the storylines that came about! All culminating in a wedding fit for any soap, complete with murder and heartbreak and some lurrrrve.

Now we get to find out what happens next, back at the Wardrobe Theatre from the 13th September and then every other Monday. Back at 7.30pm. We cannot wait to see you there. You can get your tickets here.

 

Season 21 finale – a wedding, and any funerals?

On Monday 2nd August 2021 it is the end of season finale. It has been a season like no other – starting as it did after an 15 month break forced on us by Covid, then going every Monday night instead of every fortnight to try and make up for that a little bit! We have loved being back so very much, and so much has happened in Newtown. This Monday, surely we shall see Gina Pitts and Big Dick Johnson finally get wed, but perhaps not the way they had dreamed….?! Will Debita the bridesmaid escape the murderous rage of Candi and the misguided villainy of Constance? We shall soon find out!

Episode 21.8: ‘Best Man for the Job’

Dick is looking for a best man for his upcoming wedding. His only two available options are Simpkins (who he owes money to) and AJ (his parole officer), so he sets them a quest to go camping, but neglects to tell them about the cockroaches and snakes he placed in their campsite to keep them on their toes. As the only bridesmaid, Debita believes it is tradition to have a romantic fling with the best man, but is concerned as both candidates are in relationships with strong women, so she decides to do some fight-readiness training. 

Constance’s leg is healing well after the accident, but she’s feeling guilt over murdering Eliza (not helped by Candi convincing her Eliza’s voice is talking to her from the fitness machine), so she goes to see Dick for advice. While watching a box set of The Wire, he tells her that she has two options: harden her heart and ignore it, or go and kill someone else!

Back on the quest, Simpkins believes he is actually in the Hunger Games and tricks AJ into eating some red berries to try and take him out of the running. It sends AJ mad, and he burns down the tent, just before the poison takes over and he collapses. Debita arrives and manages to save AJ with some herbs and CPR, but Candi mistakes her help for seduction, and challenges Debita to a fight which lasts 13 hours. They are both exhausted, but AJ is luckily saved. He tells Debita he owes her everything. Candi is devastated and breaks up with him. 

Hungover the next day, Dick makes him and Constance cocktails but accidentally puts some super strength hot sauce in Constance’s drink which causes her to choke. He rushes to get help from AJ and Simpkins and says whoever saves her will be his best man. Drawing on his earlier near-death experience, AJ pulls a congealed glob of sauce from Constance’s throat and saves her! Simpkins is angry that he won’t be either best man or maid of honour, and withdraws Simpk Inns as the wedding venue and storms off, so Debita offers her mansion for the wedding instead. Candi is livid and says she won’t attend if AJ or Debita will be there. Constance stirs up Candi’s rage and tells her there’s only one solution: she needs to kill Debita!

Will the wedding actually happen? Will Candi make good on her threat? Has Constance gone too far to be redeemed? 

Memorable moments: 

  • Debita channelling Kate Bush
  • Dick listing all the ingenious ways he’s bumped off people in the past 
  • Candi applying different Shakespeare plays to each situation, despite never having read any.

Episode 21.7: ‘The Finger of Suspicion’

Candi is still squatting in Constance’s huge penthouse and has invited AJ over to make the most of the facilities. They discover her walk-in fridge. which Candi enters and discovers… a human finger! Disturbed by the find, AJ takes a second look in the fridge and finds a human ear!

Dick and Gina have gone to collect Constance from hospital; after her accident on her running machine, Constance has developed a phobia of machinery and electrics. They get her into Dick’s electric Jag but calm her down during the journey by singing a song about a horse and cart. After getting settled in the apartment, Gina and Constance discuss the maid of honour speech, but it doesn’t go down well. Gina runs into Candi and, despite their previous arguments, they reconcile – so Gina decides to make Candi her maid of honour instead.

Meanwhile, Dick arrives in the middle of Candi and AJ’s investigation. After analysing the finger and the fridge contents, he determines that it belongs to a lady who wore sea breeze nail varnish and used a fountain pen, on a single day in 2020 – October 16th. The disappearance of only one resident that day matches that description: one-time bookshop owner and big-time liar and breaker of hearts, Eliza Thornfield!

AJ, Dick, Candi and Gina confront Constance but she tricks all of them into doing tasks for her before she tells them – like cutting her some cake, moving a step ladder, and getting a vial out of a drawer. She admits that she tricked Eliza into using her Travelator and got it to suck her in, but it didn’t kill her so she gave her deadly nightshade before slicing up the rest of her! Constance said she did it for the town, since Eliza would have ruined them all – and now they MUST keep her secret, since their fingerprints are all over the murder weapons!

Will Constance’s secret be safe?

Will Candi make a good maid of honour? 

Does Dick have a future as a detective? 

Memorable moments:

  • Gina and Dick repeatedly forgetting Constance’s surname
  • Dick’s incredible sleuthing dating the body parts and identifying their previous owner
  • Constance’s horse and cart song

Episode 21.6: ‘ Constance, READY!’

Dick has gone to see Simpkins to discuss Simpk Inns Hotel as  a wedding venue for his upcoming marriage to Gina. Simpkins quotes him almost £10,000 at ‘mates’ rates’ which Gina is furious about. Simpkins offers credit, which Gina immediately accepts and makes him her maid of honour in return. Gina gets to work on designing her dream venue, nose in her phone adding things to her Pinterest board.

Constance has been stuck in her  Gladiators-esque Travelator fitness machine at home in the hotel penthouse for days, and everyone else is oblivious to her plight. Simpkins finally notices but doesn’t want to get his new white gloves dirty, so sends Dick round to help her. After looking at the Travelator, Dick realises pressing the button to try and spit her out has a 50/50 chance of sucking her in entirely. 

Meanwhile, Debita has been back helping out at the pub. When Simpkins shows her his gloves, she has a clown-based flashback to her childhood, and rushes off to her safe space on Lyle Hill. When Gina sees the gloves a bit later, she fires Simpkins as her maid of honour and starts a game of ‘silly buggers’ in which Simpkins sneaks in a kiss. Whilst heading to the penthouse, SImpkins questions Gina about why she is getting married. When they arrive and see what the state Constance is in, Gina is incredulous that Simpkins would leave the love of his life in peril. In the interim, Dick has gone to Lyle Hill to calm down Debita before driving them both over to Constance’s. Dick, Gina, Simpkins and Debita discuss how to help Constance, but ultimately it’s down to Simpkins to decide whether to press the button that could save… or kill her. Gina says if she survives, she can be her maid of honour. Constance demands Simpkins to tell her if he really loves her. He says he has always loved her… and presses the button!


Will Constance survive the Travelator or will her final words of “Oh f**king hell!” be worthy of the record books?

Will Debita’s fear of clowns come back to haunt her?

Is Gina developing a phone addiction?

Memorable Moments

  • Dick ordering, in the best Italian restaurant in Little Italy, a pink leopard print pizza with a long aisle and three tiers for Gina
  • The selfie in Constance’s penthouse as she is in bits as the residents discuss her life-or-death decision
  • Debita’s admission that she’d never been in a car before