We are so so so so (ad infinitum) happy to announce we are back live on stage at the Wardrobe Theatre from Monday 2nd November 2020 at 7.30pm. Yes, we know things may change and lockdowns may happen, but if they do we and the theatre have everything in place and Covid 19 safe for getting back to it as soon as we are able to again.

We have missed performing our fortnightly soap and cannot wait to kick off a brand new season. Come along and have a laugh and remember why, no matter what, live theatre is a vital part of life as we know it!

Get your tickets here. Tickets are sold in pairs – the theatre will be at half capacity and this is the best and safest way of doing things.

We are back, and about bloody time too!

Carry On getting Closer Each Day…

In the face of this thoroughly heinous global epidemic, we shall continue any way we can. We are bringing you creative content; videos of what our characters are getting up to in lockdown, quizzes, interviews with the cast and more. Connect with us by social media or by joining Neighbourhood Watch and let us keep laughing together!

For us to be able to continue to work and bring you this joyous content in these difficult times, we are in need of help. We would be very grateful for any donations you can give us, be it small, medium or absolutely mindbogglingly massive! Most of all, we hope you are safe and well and we thank you for staying Closer with us.


Episode 19.5: ‘Eliza’s poisoned pen’

Debbie and Anthony are suing Simpkins for damages. Simpkin’s PA Eliza has convinced him to transfer all his worldly goods over to her, to prevent anything falling into Debbie’s hands. She then tries to leave him, claiming coronavirus symptoms, but he insists on taking her out for a day of milkshakes and massages. Constance, business magnate and Simpkin’s significant other, has herself returned from a spa holiday after giving birth to their third child Pablina. She distrusts Eliza and immediately investigates the Simpk Inns accounts.
Candi and Gina are on the run from the law and have holed up in Gina’s old rat-infested caravan up north. Gina grows depressed and takes to her bed, refusing to leave. Meanwhile, Fred and Dick are at Dick’s halfway house, bonding over Shakespeare recitals and gifts of loo roll, when Candi arrives to call on Dick’s aid. He visits Gina in the caravan and they reignite their old love.
On the day of the court hearing, Eliza is nowhere to be seen. Constance et al search the town and find her in her old burnt-out lodgings, about to skip town and start a new life with Simpkin’s money. When he confronts her, she reveals a poisoned pen, and they grapple violently with each other, to at least one of their deaths…
Is Eliza dead? Did she take Simpkins with her?
Are Gina and Dick together forever (again)?
Would any of this have happened if the people of Newtown had been sensible enough to self isolate?
Memorable Moments:
  • Gina revealing that she has a photo-realistic image of the Guardians Of The Galaxy cast shaved into her private area
  • Fred reciting Shakespeare’s King John, which sounds awfully reminiscent of Disney’s Robin Hood
  • Simpkins taking time out of a high stakes plotline to make a hand puppet of a sperm whale

Episode 19.4: ‘The Leyton Orient Express’

After being forced to jump out of the window of Simpkins’  hotel, Debbie has broken both ankles. She and her boyfriend Anthony announce their plans to sue Simpkins. Eliza, Simpkins’ assistant and paid friend, advises him (with secret malevolent intention) to transfer all his worldly wealth to her, so that even if the lawsuit is successful, Debbie and Anthony will get nothing.
Fred is at a loss after his fiancee Gina declared she was still in love with her ex-con ex, Big Dick Johnson. He consoles himself by playing some Fifa 14, as team Leyton Orient, and unwittingly begins an anonymous online friendship with none other than Big Dick himself. The oblivious pair agree to meet IRL, and are shocked to discover they’ve been getting chummy with their love rival. They actually get on quite well.
Meanwhile, Candi is on the run from the law. On a bus out of town, she gets talking to Barry Bass, an apparently friendly northerner who reveals himself to be a Private Investigator sent to bring Candi in. Her parole officer and boyfriend AJ is on the phone to Barry, in hot pursuit and closing in on them. Barry locks Candi in a toilet in Gloucester Services, but her Aunty Gina has got wind of Candi’s predicament and rushes to her rescue, kicking in the toilet door, ready to join Candi as a fugitive…
Where now for Candi and Gina?
Just how far can Simpkins trust Eliza?
Is it only a matter of time before Fred and Dick make up and/or make out?

Episode 19.3: ‘Love bites’

With Simpkins out of town, Eliza is in charge of his hotel, Simpk Inns. Anthony and Debbie come to its moderately-priced restaurant to save their broken relationship, and thoroughly succeed. However, besides scamming Simpkins by skimming money off the restaurant and hotel profits, Eliza plans to rob Anthony of a briefcase of cash. She locks the couple in a room and they are forced to break out through a window…

Meanwhile, Candi is in Newtown jail for blowing up her Aunty Gina’s pub, and her parole officer boyfriend AJ feels conflicted between his work life and his love life. After an underwhelming Valentine’s meal with Fred, Gina decides to forgive Candi and breaks her out of jail. The pair run into Big Dick Johnson, and in the midst of preparing Candi for life on the run, Gina and Dick rekindle their old love for each other. Later, when Gina and Candi are alone again,  Gina starts to extensively list Fred’s many faults, he walks up behind them, hearing everything…
Is this it for Fred and Gina? 
How long will Candi last as a fugitive? 
What kind of tripadvisor review can Simpk Inns expect from Debbie and Anthony?
Memorable Moments
  • Big Dick discussing the mythology of Cupid with live interjections from an audience-based infant
  • Fred giving AJ life advice through the medium of greetings card verse
  • Debbie making a leap from the heights of Simpk Inns’ fire escape onto Anthony below