Carry On getting Closer Each Day…

In the face of this thoroughly heinous global epidemic, we shall continue any way we can. We are bringing you creative content; videos of what our characters are getting up to in lockdown, quizzes, interviews with the cast and more. Connect with us by social media or by joining Neighbourhood Watch and let us keep laughing together!

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Episode 19.5: ‘Eliza’s poisoned pen’

Debbie and Anthony are suing Simpkins for damages. Simpkin’s PA Eliza has convinced him to transfer all his worldly goods over to her, to prevent anything falling into Debbie’s hands. She then tries to leave him, claiming coronavirus symptoms, but he insists on taking her out for a day of milkshakes and massages. Constance, business magnate and Simpkin’s significant other, has herself returned from a spa holiday after giving birth to their third child Pablina. She distrusts Eliza and immediately investigates the Simpk Inns accounts.
Candi and Gina are on the run from the law and have holed up in Gina’s old rat-infested caravan up north. Gina grows depressed and takes to her bed, refusing to leave. Meanwhile, Fred and Dick are at Dick’s halfway house, bonding over Shakespeare recitals and gifts of loo roll, when Candi arrives to call on Dick’s aid. He visits Gina in the caravan and they reignite their old love.
On the day of the court hearing, Eliza is nowhere to be seen. Constance et al search the town and find her in her old burnt-out lodgings, about to skip town and start a new life with Simpkin’s money. When he confronts her, she reveals a poisoned pen, and they grapple violently with each other, to at least one of their deaths…
Is Eliza dead? Did she take Simpkins with her?
Are Gina and Dick together forever (again)?
Would any of this have happened if the people of Newtown had been sensible enough to self isolate?
Memorable Moments:
  • Gina revealing that she has a photo-realistic image of the Guardians Of The Galaxy cast shaved into her private area
  • Fred reciting Shakespeare’s King John, which sounds awfully reminiscent of Disney’s Robin Hood
  • Simpkins taking time out of a high stakes plotline to make a hand puppet of a sperm whale

Episode 19.4: ‘The Leyton Orient Express’

After being forced to jump out of the window of Simpkins’  hotel, Debbie has broken both ankles. She and her boyfriend Anthony announce their plans to sue Simpkins. Eliza, Simpkins’ assistant and paid friend, advises him (with secret malevolent intention) to transfer all his worldly wealth to her, so that even if the lawsuit is successful, Debbie and Anthony will get nothing.
Fred is at a loss after his fiancee Gina declared she was still in love with her ex-con ex, Big Dick Johnson. He consoles himself by playing some Fifa 14, as team Leyton Orient, and unwittingly begins an anonymous online friendship with none other than Big Dick himself. The oblivious pair agree to meet IRL, and are shocked to discover they’ve been getting chummy with their love rival. They actually get on quite well.
Meanwhile, Candi is on the run from the law. On a bus out of town, she gets talking to Barry Bass, an apparently friendly northerner who reveals himself to be a Private Investigator sent to bring Candi in. Her parole officer and boyfriend AJ is on the phone to Barry, in hot pursuit and closing in on them. Barry locks Candi in a toilet in Gloucester Services, but her Aunty Gina has got wind of Candi’s predicament and rushes to her rescue, kicking in the toilet door, ready to join Candi as a fugitive…
Where now for Candi and Gina?
Just how far can Simpkins trust Eliza?
Is it only a matter of time before Fred and Dick make up and/or make out?

Episode 19.3: ‘Love bites’

With Simpkins out of town, Eliza is in charge of his hotel, Simpk Inns. Anthony and Debbie come to its moderately-priced restaurant to save their broken relationship, and thoroughly succeed. However, besides scamming Simpkins by skimming money off the restaurant and hotel profits, Eliza plans to rob Anthony of a briefcase of cash. She locks the couple in a room and they are forced to break out through a window…

Meanwhile, Candi is in Newtown jail for blowing up her Aunty Gina’s pub, and her parole officer boyfriend AJ feels conflicted between his work life and his love life. After an underwhelming Valentine’s meal with Fred, Gina decides to forgive Candi and breaks her out of jail. The pair run into Big Dick Johnson, and in the midst of preparing Candi for life on the run, Gina and Dick rekindle their old love for each other. Later, when Gina and Candi are alone again,  Gina starts to extensively list Fred’s many faults, he walks up behind them, hearing everything…
Is this it for Fred and Gina? 
How long will Candi last as a fugitive? 
What kind of tripadvisor review can Simpk Inns expect from Debbie and Anthony?
Memorable Moments
  • Big Dick discussing the mythology of Cupid with live interjections from an audience-based infant
  • Fred giving AJ life advice through the medium of greetings card verse
  • Debbie making a leap from the heights of Simpk Inns’ fire escape onto Anthony below

Episode 19.2: ‘Truth Bomb’

Simpkins and Eliza are firming up their purely professional relationship. She’s taken the role of PA (Private Assistant) but manages to get promoted to ‘Friend’, a position with a much larger salary.

Money is also changing hands in Newtown DFS. Fred is trying to make money to rebuild the pub and sells Anthony his grotty old sofa, claiming it to be a vintage ‘Helmstead’. Anthony wants to pay £400, but Fred manages to haggle it up to £401.
Meanwhile, Big Dick Johnson is out of prison, with AJ as his Parole Officer. He visits the bombed-out site of Gina’s pub and is shocked to find that she blames him for the bombing. A guilty Candi has intimidated Debbie, who knows the bomb was Candi’s doing. However, when Candi and Debbie appear at the bombsite to see Big Dick getting arrested for the bombing, Debbie speaks up and Candi confesses to her crime. She gets led away in handcuffs by her boyfriend AJ, and not in a kinky way…
Will Candi do time?
Will Fred and Gina rebuild the pub?
Where now for Dick Johnson?
Does the role of ‘Friend’ have benefits?
Memorable Moments:
  • Big Dick Johnson comparing himself to a squirrel
  • Fred’s business pitch for a Yorkshire-based cream cheese festival called ‘Dairyleeds’
  • Candi spelling her name, ‘C to the A to the D…’

Episode 19.1: ‘A Pen-Pal gets a Pal Out of the Pen’

Just Gina’s, the pub belonging to Gina Pitts, is just a pile of ashes. Gina is recovering in hospital, fiance Fred escaped injury by hiding in a large fridge. Candi is feeling very guilty about her part in the bomb plot gone wrong, especially as Gina stopped the insurance payments to put the cash towards the wedding!

The intended recipient of the explosion, Debita, is upset with Anthony over his ex-wife, Jewell Pewell, trying to kill her and his sexy time with said ex-wife. Anthony declares his love for her but she is too angry to accept it and they part in acrimony. Simpkins revels in jeering at her lonely state, he also stirs another pot when he tells Fred that a Johnson was to blame. Gina is thinking Big Dick Johnson may have had something to do with it, organising it all from his prison cell. Candi wants to encourage that thinking, but AJ drops her in it when he tells Debita it was Candi. Candi unleashes her wrath on poor Debita!

Meanwhile Big Dick is visited by his pen pal, Anthony, who uses his power and influence to get Big Dick parole. Starting his new job, who should be Dick’s parole officer but AJ Shaw!

All is forgiven and forgotten as far as Big Dick is concerned, he swears he will be good from now on, as long as no-one accuses him of something he did not do. He has no idea Gina wants to kill him!

Will Candi confess to Gina? Or will Debita risk more violence and tell all? And will Debita resist Anthony? How will Big Dick acclimatise to life outside of prison? Will he get blamed for Candi’s mistakes…???

Find out tonight!