Episode 17.7: ‘The Great Big Disappearing Baby Trick’

Constance cannot easily let go of the fact that Simpkins accused her of being pregnant with another man’s child. Eventually, however, her love for him wins out and they kiss and make up.

AJ and Billy are playing Warhammer, things gets intense and Billy takes it all too far when he becomes a goblin like one of the ones he was playing with. Fred takes a break from tending the bar at the pub (now that he is working there with landlady girlfriend Gina), and helps AJ track Billy down to the Newtown caves where they manage to calm him down and bring him back to himself.

Meanwhile, Eliza is frustrated by Reg’s flights of fancy – he is preparing to watch a cosmic meteor event that evening but has not done the laundry or anything that he said he would do. She has realised she has got herself in a very difficult situation – as she talks to herself, wondering where it all went wrong, it turns out that she is not pregnant at all! She has been faking her bump, she was trying to get back at ex Candi and now it has all gone out of control and Reg thinks he is a father-to-be of triplets, she wishes on the cosmic meteor that there was some way out of this mess!

Memorable Moments:

  • Simpkins, um, taking care of himself, while thinking impure thoughts at his computer screen…Fred comes in and sees a blob on his trousers, Simpkins says it is yogurt and puts it to the side, Constance later comes in and eats it!
  • Fred going down into the cellar on the hunt for crisps, and finding lots of ’70s memorabilia down there
  • The incredible jaw-dropping cliffhanger moment when we find out Eliza has been faking it all along!

Will anyone find out about Eliza’s big secret???

Will Fred and Gina become a dream-team at the pub?

Will Simpkins start his own line of yogurts?

Find out in Episode 17.8 at the Wardrobe Theatre on Mon 22nd April at 7.30pm

 

Episode 17.6: ‘One baby, two babies, three babies, four…’

Eliza tells Reg that they are not due to have twins after all, but triplets! Reg goes on a delighted and very financially-foolish shopping spree, spending more and more money until he mortgages the house and spends every last penny. Meanwhile, Eliza talks to Billy de Burgh in confidence and admits to him that there are no triplets at all, or even twins, but only one baby – the scan got it wrong but she just found herself saying triplets in the heat of the moment!

Billy has also helped AJ and Candi with some early counselling for their new relationship. The only thing is that it makes Candi demand physical fitness from AJ, which he just cannot manage, and inspires Candi to make more of the thing he most loves about her – her eyebrows, and she ends up, with help from Gina’s eyebrow pencil, looking like Ming the Merciless.

Simpkins is back in town and horrified at the changes Constance allowed his ex wife Rita to make to the decor of his hotel. All is forgiven, however, when Gina and Candi finally make Constance see she is pregnant – Simpkins is over the moon. But it is not long before darkness descends on his brain, he sees AJ trying to lose weight at the pregnancy yoga class Constance attends and he thinks back to the that time some weeks ago when Constance said she was going to help AJ get some sex skills.

Constance is devastated when Simpkins accuses her of carrying AJ’s child and desperately asks AJ to tell him it is not true. AJ visits Simpkins, declaring their innocence, Simpkins prepares to carry out his threats if this proves to be a lie.

Memorable Moments:

  • Reg’s shopping spree through Mothercare, followed by Simpkins’ joyous Mothercare trip later
  • Gina drawing on those mighty eyebrows on Candi’s face
  • AJ getting his tummy out and making it speak

Will Eliza confess to Reg that there are not two or three babies but only one?

And what will Eliza and Reg do now that Reg has spent every last penny??

Will Simpkins realise he really is the Daddy before it is too late???

Find out in Episode 17.7 on Monday 8th April at 7.30pm at the Wardrobe Theatre

Episode 17.5: ‘A cheesy twist at the end’

Gina is desperate for Fred to get the hints she is dropping him, she wants him to run the pub with her. Eventually it bursts out of her – Fred is really happy to be asked and says yes! They decide to rename the pub Gina’s.

Reg is preparing an engagement breakfast for Eliza, AJ comes by and gets some good advice from him – after drawing back from Candi’s passion he wants to be decisive and has a good practice at the bakery picking out baked goods in a firm fashion. Eliza and Candi have a tense conversation, things are still crackling between them but they both clearly want to show each other they do not care. While Eliza throws herself into her engagement with Reg, Candi gives AJ another shot – this time he is determined not to be scared off!

Meanwhile, Rita is doing up Simpkins’ hotel, completely changing everything about it. Constance is taken aback, especially when Rita insults her relationship with Simpkins, but is won over by the special disco lift…which they later get stuck in. They are only released when Reg and Eliza turn up for a celebratory stay. AJ and Candi have turned up at the hotel too, going back to where it all began for them

Constance has a real craving for cheese twists, Candi reminds her that the last time she had that craving she was pregnant! Constance gasps in disbelief.

Memorable Moments:

  • Reg and Eliza driving along, quoting dialogue from the Little Mermaid – Reg is the Little Mermaid to Eliza’s Flounder
  • The disco lift’s funky music, smoke machine and special lighting
  • Fred leaving Gina to get on with work at the pub while he goes out to the Go Kart Museum

What will Simpkins’ think of his ex-wife Rita’s renovations of his hotel??

Will Fred and Gina become a dream team as landlady and landlord of the pub?

Is Constance really pregnant???

Find out in Episode 17.6 at 7.30pm on Monday 25th March 2019 at The Wardrobe Theatre

Episode 17.4: ‘Breathe deeply and count to Zen’

AJ is finding it hard to handle Candi’s passion, he nearly gets his glasses broken! Candi is not entirely sure he is the man for her after all. Meanwhile, Gina says she would like to run the pub with Fred, Fred seems to be hesitating about that stepping stone of their relationship and in frustration Gina says what she really wants is a jet ski – as Candi points out, when things are getting tricky in her love life Gina always wants a jet ski. Gina also wants to get some spirits for the pub, she is all out.

Simpkins and Constance have decided to stop playing games with the young folk and concentrate on their own relationship. Constance goes to the book shop and is seemingly angered by Eliza’s pregnancy and all the pregnancies she has seen around in Newtown recently. Eliza is wanting advice because she is not sure if she can return Reg’s sudden affections. Candi passes by and has no sympathy at all with her predicament.

Rita Meter has not been seen for a while, it turns out she has got into Marie Kondo-style tidying, feng shui and designing Zen gardens, the latter of which gets a fair few visitors today. She is Simpkins’ ex but Constance and her get on like a house on fire, sharing stories about Simpkins’ quirks in bed and having a fine old time. Constance suggests that Rita does up Simpkins’ hotel while she takes Simpkins on holiday.

Meanwhile, Reg is trying to get rid of a box of old spirits when Gina finds him (after having no luck anywhere else) and gladly takes them off his hands. Reg has decided he truly loves Eliza and tells her how he feels, in fact he gets down on one knee and proposes! Eliza thinks she will show her ex Candi and turns to Reg to say yes.

 

Memorable Moments:

  • The special Zen Garden arm and hand position (which looks a lot like Reg carrying a box of spirits)
  • Simpkins suspecting Reg of stealing the spirits from Gina’s pub and telling him to wait there while he tells Gina, Reg does exactly as he is told and does not move one iota
  • Everyone passing by and telling Reg and Eliza what a perfect couple they make, culminating in the marriage proposal
  • Rita’s comeback, including her very very tidy pants drawer

Will Constance take Simpkins for that holiday and will he be pleasantly surprised when he sees his ex-wife’s work on his return??

Will Gina continue to try to get Fred to run the pub with her, or will she be happy with her jet ski?

Is it really a yes from Eliza and an impending wedding???

Find out in Episode 17.5 on Monday 11th March at 7.30pm at the Wardrobe Theatre

 

Episode 17.3: Valentine’s Special, ‘Confetti your love for me’

Simpkins and Constance have a romantic Valentine’s breakfast, then Constance nonchalantly mentions to him that she is going to give AJ some lessons in love, Mrs Robinson style. However, when Constance sees AJ at his flat and sees that the card he thought was from her was actually from Candi, she realises she should do the right thing, leave AJ alone and encourage him to get romantic with Candi. Meanwhile, Simpkins is incensed and tries to shmooze Candi in revenge, she is having none of it! Later, Constance finds out and has a heart to heart with Simpkins, they have both been playing games but she loves him with all her heart.

AJ tries to pretend to Candi, when he goes to take back the card to her, that he does not care, but eventually they talk and realise they could be more than friends. It seems the Valentine Cupid has struck after all!

Over with Eliza and Reg, they are reminiscing about 1990s dance tracks featuring Bjork and Reg is feeding her chocolates and trying to be a good platonic father-to-be.

At the pub, Gina has made a trail of heart confetti to lead Fred to her and some lusty times. After a bit of that, they decide to head to that most romantic of dining establishments – that Burger King just outside of town. Gina is slightly on edge and it comes to a head in the car when she finds Fred being too blase about their relationship, which Gina thinks should be perfect – after all, someone died so they could be together!

Memorable Moments:

  • Simpkins’ rage at AJ for, as he sees it, trying to lure Constance into being his Mrs Robinson, and his sarcasm when AJ says he is not interested and likes Candi, “Oh, would you like to return the item??”
  • Fred being specific about what his car is, a Daewoo Matiz
  • Reg dredging up a description of the afore-mentioned 90s track featuring Bjork from his memory

Will Fred be scared off by Gina’s intensity?

Will Candi and AJ manage to do anything more intimate than some light pinky-linking?

Does Eliza want more from her baby daddy than just being her twin babies’ daddy?

Find out in Episode 17.4 on Monday 25th February 2019 at 7.30pm

Episode 17.1: ‘Come in, baby, it’s cold outside’

Candi and Reg are at the aquarium, Reg catches Candi up on all that has happened in Newtown – Pablo being shot, Big Dick being put in jail, Fred and Gina going away to sort themselves out. They decide that that was all very dramatic and interesting but they are ready to move on, though of course Reg is still father to Eliza’s unborn twins and that is rather on his mind. Later, after Candi has gone, AJ comes along and tries to help Reg realise he could be a good father. The three of them all meet up in the playground but it starts to snow…

Constance has done up a room at Simpkins’ hotel to make it more like a Love Motel, trying to attract customers in out of the snow. AJ and Candi make it through the snowstorm to the hotel and take that suite. Constance is delighted and she and Simpkins listen through the keyhole.

However, although Candi would like to have some nookie with AJ he is oblivious and they just play scrabble.

Meanwhile, Reg is alone on Lyle Hill, remembering his own terrifying butcher father.

Simpkins upsets by Constance laughing in her face when she says she is not really all about sex and perhaps they should try parenthood again, he says she is too old! She tries to make herself feel better by flirting with AJ, when Candi walks in on them she gets upset and Constance realises right away that Candi wanted more than friendship from him. She says to AJ that he needs to learn a thing or two and they kiss.

Memorable Moments:

  • Reg remembering the raw meats in the butcher shop that he made friends with and talked to as a child
  • Candi and AJ having a go on the playground equipment
  • Constance’s and Simpkins’ homemade porn film

Will Reg get over his crisis of confidence and accept his new role as a soon-to-be father?

Will Candi tell AJ how she really feels?

Will Constance forgive Simpkins for calling her old?!?!

Find out at our Valentine’s Special on 11th February 2019, after our special 150th ever episode on 28th January!