Reg is not finding life being rich from maxing out his best friend AJ’s credit cards very fun. He is lonely at Christmas-time in his penthouse on top of the local Travelodge. He tries to entertain himself and become a philanthropist by recording a Christmas single. Meanwhile AJ is planning dastardly ways to get him down from the top of tower, but a chance encounter with Candi and Eliza convinces him he should really try to make friends with Reg again, not murder him! Candi and Eliza also decide to forget the bad blood between them, they have bonded over the drama at the Travelodge and Eliza comes out with her secret – she likes Candi…and not just as a friend!
Across town, Big Dick Johnson and Gina Pitts are enjoying their Christmas Day reunited at the pub (and Gina’s new specially graduated bar, to serve all heights). Simpkins is also feeling a joyful Christmas spirit, bringing Bunny into his hotel and treating her as his protegee has given him a warm glow, he shocks Big Dick and Gina by showing this side of his personality and invites them to the hotel for a Christmas buffet. Later, everyone is at the buffet feasting on all the party pastries and fizzy drinks on offer. Bunny looks down from the mezzanine over the Newtowners, in awe at her new position in life – she thinks Simpkins is the most important person in town and this gives her power too! She yells out insults to the Newtowners and tells them to get out. Simpkins is happy to back her up and is delighted he has rubbed off on her. Everyone leaves the hotel, mumbling, while Simpkins and Bunny cackle hideously. Two love-birds leave together, hand in hand – Eliza Thornfield and Candi Johnson!
- When Candi hears how Eliza feels about her, “Everyone wants Candi for Christmas!”
- Eliza coming up with the pen name for her sci-fi erotica – E.T. Hornfield
- AJ and Reg taking a mic each on the karaoke machine and busting out that Xmas single
What will happen this season? Well, let us find out in Episode 15.1, at The Wardrobe Theatre on Monday 15th January 2018!
Simpkins shows new employee Bunny around Newtown, introducing the ex-cult member to normal life. He gives her a room in his hotel and she is overcome with joy to have an actual bed with an actual pillow. Meanwhile, Reg is showing off in the pub, splashing cash around and buying Fred drinks – he got the money from maxing out his friend AJ’s credit cards and draining his bank account! Poor AJ has all his utilities cut off and is ejected from his home and forced to sleep on the streets. Even though Fred tried to cover up what happened, when AJ finds out it was all down to Reg, he is absolutely devastated and furious!
At the bookshop, Candi Johnson is trapped in the store room Eliza locked her in – she tries to escape, even threatening to drink bleach. Eliza is trying to be as tough as a Johnson to teach Candi a lesson, but she can’t keep it up and she eventually lets out a seemingly repentant Candi, who then flies at her with a vicious snarl! Over at the stationary locked tram, Big Dick Johnson, his girlfriend Gina, and Pablo are still trapped (Big Dick with half his body in and half out the tram, firmly stuck). Pablo is clearly losing it, hearing voices, and Gina tells Big Dick that he has kept her on the tram for days as he has a unhealthy crush on her. It seems they have moments before Pablo kills Big Dick Johnson!
- Bunny’s excitement over Tesco Express and all the things you can buy there
- Candi saying ‘What would Uncle Dick do? He would never get himself stuck anywhere.’
- Reg and Fred going crazy at the pub, buying all the salty snacks
Will AJ get back on his feet, and will he forgive Reg?
How will Bunny acclimatize to life in Newtown?
Will Big Dick and Gina live to love another day?
Does Eliza escape Candi’s wrath?
Will it be a Merry Christmas for them all?
Find out in Episode 8 of Season 13 of Closer Each Day on Mon 11th December 2017 at the Wardrobe Theatre in our CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!!
Candy Johnson confides in Fred that she is struggling with her identity. Her Johnson genes are telling her to be a violent, sometimes criminal whilst she aspires to be something better. Fred persuades her to hide her violent
tendencies. When Eliza punishes Candy for her lack of effort in the bookshop the newly meek Candy allows herself to be locked in the storeroom.
Bunny survives a four hour interview with Simpkins to work at the hotel. She fails to impress however with her German themed Christmas Market which just consisted of a large, cardboard sausage. Elsewhere Gina has been trapped on the tram at the end of the line since smitten Pablo swallowed the key. Feeling remorse Pablo finds a way on board and Gina’s boyfriend Big Dick finally returns from his Jiu Jitsu course in Norwich to save the day…and promptly gets stuck himself.
- Fred reveals his love of Dire Straits and close relationship to Alexa (the app which controls household lights etc)
- Candy’s confession about the Johnson flatulence gene
- Gina discovering the joy of silence while locked on the tram
Will Candy’s true nature be roused by Eliza?
Will Bunny impress Simpkins?
Will anyone ever escape the tram?
Find out in Episode 7 of Season 13 of Closer Each Day on Mon 27th November 2017 at the Wardrobe Theatre
The Little Salon of Horrors:
Monica and Pablo fed the people of Newtown to their hungry plant, driven to murderous rage by everyone having a predisposition to sing all the time
The Big Dick Project:
Intrepid young Newtowners Harold, Bunny and AJ, fresh out of college, film their adventure in the deep dark woods, sure that all those scary stories about the terrifying Principal Simpkins are just stories – until they get picked off one by one
Nightmare on Slough Street:
Kudos to whoever gave that suggestion and remembered a street name from a few seasons back! The twisted Freddy Gonzalez was appearing to those who fell asleep, so Gina and Simpkins were trying to stay awake, Eliza was trying to find out what had happened to Candi and AJ was doing the best he could even though he had never seen the films.
2 very short stories:
Eliza Doolittle: Who could hear her books calling to her,
Pablo Scissorhands: Snip snip snip!
All finished off by Reg and Big Dick, who had been telling those ghost stories in the treehouse, being mauled to death by Constance/ a wild monkey / koala / creature of the night.
Constance is feeling all alone in life, Simpkins is also feeling lonely and unloved and vows to work on buffing himself up and becoming generally lovelier. Gina has been given a ticket for the tram and spends a nice day enjoying the ride all around town, but she falls asleep and gets locked in! Luckily, Pablo appears – but not so luckily he has developed a huge crush on Gina, who had just seen herself as his surrogate mother. After enjoying having her there to look at, like a hamster in a cage, Gina convinces him to help her get out and he goes off to get the key. But when he returns with the key Gina upsets him and he swallows it!
Meanwhile, Reg and AJ are working on a children’s book – all about Arthur the Elephant and Reg the Hedgehog who are best friends. Once they have finished it Reg says he has managed to get a publisher interested and they set up a book launch at Eliza’s bookshop. Over at the bookshop, new worker Candi has been chasing people out who piss her off with a broom and Eliza is trying to explain to her that they won’t get customers that way. Candi is protective of new and first ever friend Eliza and warns AJ and Reg that their book had better be a success and not humiliate Eliza. Reg asks to borrow AJ’s credit card to go and get some more copies of the book and publicity for the launch and so on. The publisher turns up at the launch as Reg promised, but it is really Reg in a not very convincing disguise! It turns out he made up the publisher and used AJ’s money to feed his online gambling habit! Candi is enraged at the scam and runs at Reg with her broom raised high.
- The class struggle being represented in AJ and Reg’s book, as Constance shouts down at them below on the street from her tall privileged tower
- Gina eating a cereal bar on the tram, unaware that she is being watched by Pablo
- The flashback which showed the time when Simpkins was lovely and everyone fancied him
Will Gina ever get out of that tram and what will she do about Pablo??
Will Simpkins manage to turn over a new leaf and become lovely again?
Will Candi cause irreparable harm to Reg with her broom or will he live to steal from friends again??
Still stuck together with hair gel, Constance and a newly-confident Reg roam the town, attempting to make people befriend Constance. They have limited success. Meanwhile, Fred is wandering about completely hammered. At the pub, Gina and AJ discuss loneliness. Gina misses Dick and AJ is yearning for Eliza. They decide to do something nice for Eliza and go decorate her bookshop with bunting.
After a blazing row, Candy and Eliza bury the hatchet and become friends. Eliza even gives Candy a job at her shop. Back across town, the hair gel wears off and Reg and Constance finally come unstuck. But without his confidence-inspiring gel, Reg plunges to new depths of awkwardness and angst. He seeks out the lovelorn AJ and they form an introspective indie rock duo.
- Fred’s naming of all the ales in the pub (bizarre names, such as the title of this show summary!)
- Gina and AJ’s paper-people chain that looks like a ‘mutant elephant orgy’
- Various Bunting Dances including the inimitable ‘We’re Putting Up the Bunting’
Will Reg find new confidence in song-writing?
Will Fred ever sober up?
Will AJ ask Eliza on a date?
How will Candi get on in her new job?
Find out in Episode 4 of Season 14 of Closer Each Day at The Wardrobe Theatre 16th October 2017