Episode 17.11: ‘Eliza’s lie gets shafted by an air shaft’

Gina and Fred receive the news at the pub that Constance, Simpkins and Reg are all at the hospital. Candi arrives and she and Gina go off in Fred’s beloved Ford Mondeo, only to crash it and write it off. Fred heads to the hospital jogging – it takes him a looong time to get there.

Meanwhile, at the hospital, Constance is in the throes of labour but wanting to find Simpkins. Simpkins is bleeding internally and in a terrible way but, not knowing that she is at the hospital too, is trying to get out of the hospital to get back to Constance. Eliza is also trying to escape from the doctors and nurses that Constance asks to check on her, she does not want them to find out she is not pregnant at all! Simpkins and Eliza have found their separate ways into the air shafts, SImpkins makes it outside but is brought back in by the arriving Candi and Gina who tell him where his lover is.

AJ is looking after Reg, who has slowly come round and eventually gets into a wheelchair. No-one understands why Eliza has not been to visit him, except for Candi whose nasty comments about Eliza shock everyone – especially Gina, who thinks she is a hero for carrying three babies and for going through so much.

Constance sees a dead man on a trolley she thinks is Simpkins and heads down to the morgue to have her baby near him, she sits up some of the frozen bodies in the drawers to make it less lonely – AJ comes in and spots the cold dead body of Pablo, one time Newtown salon owner. AJ and Candi get Constance out of there and take her back to the maternity ward, where SImpkins has crawled to, there is a touching reunion and Simpkins sees his baby being born before being taken off to be operated on. Fred and Candi visit the new baby, a girl called Conkins Simpsance. They do not tell Constance they fear Simpkins is a goner.

Eliza hears a terrible creaking in the air shaft and falls through, on to AJ below, getting a drink at the vending machine with Gina! Gina kneels down to tend to her, worried about those babies, but as she puts her hand to Eliza’s stomach she realises something is not right, and pulls out all the padding!

Memorable Moments:

  • Constance making a heartfelt speech to who she thinks is the dead Simpkins, Fred next making a similar speech to the remains of his Mondeo
  • Reg and Fred having a chat, Fred sad about his car while Reg patiently sits there, with possible life-changing injuries, listening to him moan
  • When Candi and Gina arrive around the back of the hospital and Gina thinks they have arrived on some kind of industrial estate, Candi spots a wrecked Simpkins and says, ‘Well, he isn’t industrial but he is in a state.’

What will Gina do or say to Eliza now she knows those triplets are not real and Eliza took the wedding money she gave her to look after them under false pretences???

What will the excited father-to-be and fiance Reg say or do now that he realises she has lied to him all along, and what will that do to his recovery???

What will Eliza say or do to get out of this one???

And how will AJ fare, having been fallen on from a great height by Eliza??

And how long will they manage to keep new mother Constance from knowing Simpkins is at death’s door?

Find out in our Season Finale on Monday 8th July at 7.30pm at the Wardrobe Theatre

 

Episode 17.10: ‘A stag do with some real stags’

Gina and Fred are doing some home decorating, which they find very erotic. They are also thinking about Eliza and how they can help her more.

Meanwhile, Constance is fed up with Simpkins trying to keep her safe in the hotel and has gone back to her penthouse, convincing pregnant pal Eliza to come and stay with her. Constance strips off to get in the sauna and doesn’t understand why Eliza does not do the same – of course Eliza cannot get naked because then Constance would know it was a fake bump!

Outside of town, on the deer reserve, AJ has taken Reg for his stag do before he gets married to Eliza. The deer go wild and they are carried off in a stampede! They survive that, but AJ is heartbroken to hear he is not actually Reg’s best man at all and goes off in a sulk. Later, Simpkins arrives and they get chased off again by the deer. They are driven to the edge of Newtown Gorge, AJ appears and tries to save them but…

Back at Constance’s place, Eliza and Constance see the scene played out from the local news helicopter’s footage, Reg and Simpkins have fallen! The shock sends Constance into labour, ‘Hospital!’ she gasps to Eliza. Two bodies lay at bottom of the gorge.

Will Reg and Simpkins have survived that fall???

Will Constance have her baby??

What other perversions do Gina and Fred have?

And how long will Eliza manage to fool every in Newtown???

Find out in Episode 17.11 on Monday 24th June at 7.30pm at The Wardrobe Theatre

 

Episode 17.9: ‘Uri Geller bends Fred’s mind’

It is a busy bank holiday at the pub. Eliza takes herself off into the snug for some thinking time, she wonders how she could have got herself into this mess – with everyone thinking she is pregnant with Reg’s twins when really she is not pregnant at all and is faking her bump! Later she thanks Fred, his fiancee Gina gave her the engagement ring he gave her when she proposed, as well as the money saved to go towards their wedding, to go towards looking after Eliza’s (non-existent) triplets after Eliza’s bookshop burnt down. Fred is visibly shocked, Gina had not told him she had done that, but he recovers and even seems to consider Eliza’s request for a job in the pub.

Fred spends some time in the cellar reminiscing about his lifelong obsession with Uri Geller. It turns out that Uri Geller once met him and hypnotised him, making Fred forget that he had ever met him and in fact making him forget everything that has just happened in the short-term when he reads the inscription in the front of Uri’s autographed book, ‘Remember me?’ Eliza uses this to her advantage, she is desperate to confess to someone about her fake pregnancy and how everyone is being so kind to her under false pretences – she tells Fred all and then shows him the inscription so he instantly forgets everything she said!

Meanwhile, AJ is being referee for a pub games competition between SImpkins and Constance – the winner decides whether Constance has total freedom (her wish) or whether she stays at home safe and sound to protect their unborn child (his wish). Their competitive nature takes off, AJ tries to get them to compromise and they seem to shake hand on it but really are just getting their digits in place for a brutal game of Thumb War!

Memorable Moments:

  • Eliza’s monologue about how she started off with making her fake bump with a cushion, then it was a pillow and the next thing ‘you are in the shopping aisle considering getting a double duvet’
  • Simpkins and Constance having a contemporary dance-off as part of their pub game Olympics
  • AJ enjoying the sun out in the pub garden and badly catching the sun (some hastily applied red lipstick supplied the sunburned look!)

Will Fred’s memory of that chat with Eliza stay buried? And what will he say to Gina about her giving away her engagement ring and their wedding money??

Will Simpkins and Constance get on the same page or will they continue to battle away?

Will Eliza’s conscience ever get the better of her of will she continue to deceive everyone in Newtown??

Find out in Episode 17.10 on Monday 10th June 2019 at 7.30pm at the Wardrobe Theatre

Episode 17.8: ‘FIRE!’

AJ is overdosing on Easter chocolate, on a sugar comedown he is angered to find out that there is another AJ in Newtown, the owner of the sweet shop on the corner. In a heated showdown (with us hearing the Scottish voice of Sweet Shop AJ but not seeing him), AJ Shaw is left victorious as the town’s only AJ.

Meanwhile, Simpkins is smothering Constance and barely letting her do anything to ‘take care’ of their unborn child. He brings Eliza round to be company for her, Constance feels they are connecting over their shared pregnancies – not she nor anyone knows that Eliza’s pregnancy is fake! While Eliza is out, Billy thinks he will be useful and help her in the shop, but starts a fire!

The bookshop is burnt to a cinder and Eliza is devastated. She blames Simpkins for making her leave the shop, and of course Billy for trying to boil an egg in the back room and it going horribly wrong. Candi passes by, there is still something bubbling between them but when Candi leaves her on the floor saying how manipulative Eliza is it is clear that the love has gone.

Fred and Gina had been egging each other on to rhyme all day, Fred tops off the rhymes by pulling out an engagement ring and asking her to marry him!  But when Gina hears about the fire, she feels for Eliza and does not want her baby to go without, so gives her the ring and promises all the savings she has got together for the hoped for wedding with Fred.

Eliza’s secret is getting worse and worse!

Memorable Moments

  • The non-stop rhyming in the pub!
  • The high drama of the fire!
  • Eliza and Constance eventually putting the fire out with their massive phallic hoses

Will Simpkins back off and let Constance breathe, or will he drive her crazy first??

What will Billy turn his hand to next and will it have the same disastrous results?!

Will this last event break Eliza’s silence or will she double down on her big secret???

Find out in Episode 8 of Season 17 at the Wardrobe Theatre on Monday 27th May 2019 at 7.30pm

 

Episode 17.7: ‘The Great Big Disappearing Baby Trick’

Constance cannot easily let go of the fact that Simpkins accused her of being pregnant with another man’s child. Eventually, however, her love for him wins out and they kiss and make up.

AJ and Billy are playing Warhammer, things gets intense and Billy takes it all too far when he becomes a goblin like one of the ones he was playing with. Fred takes a break from tending the bar at the pub (now that he is working there with landlady girlfriend Gina), and helps AJ track Billy down to the Newtown caves where they manage to calm him down and bring him back to himself.

Meanwhile, Eliza is frustrated by Reg’s flights of fancy – he is preparing to watch a cosmic meteor event that evening but has not done the laundry or anything that he said he would do. She has realised she has got herself in a very difficult situation – as she talks to herself, wondering where it all went wrong, it turns out that she is not pregnant at all! She has been faking her bump, she was trying to get back at ex Candi and now it has all gone out of control and Reg thinks he is a father-to-be of triplets, she wishes on the cosmic meteor that there was some way out of this mess!

Memorable Moments:

  • Simpkins, um, taking care of himself, while thinking impure thoughts at his computer screen…Fred comes in and sees a blob on his trousers, Simpkins says it is yogurt and puts it to the side, Constance later comes in and eats it!
  • Fred going down into the cellar on the hunt for crisps, and finding lots of ’70s memorabilia down there
  • The incredible jaw-dropping cliffhanger moment when we find out Eliza has been faking it all along!

Will anyone find out about Eliza’s big secret???

Will Fred and Gina become a dream-team at the pub?

Will Simpkins start his own line of yogurts?

Find out in Episode 17.8 at the Wardrobe Theatre on Mon 22nd April at 7.30pm

 

Episode 17.6: ‘One baby, two babies, three babies, four…’

Eliza tells Reg that they are not due to have twins after all, but triplets! Reg goes on a delighted and very financially-foolish shopping spree, spending more and more money until he mortgages the house and spends every last penny. Meanwhile, Eliza talks to Billy de Burgh in confidence and admits to him that there are no triplets at all, or even twins, but only one baby – the scan got it wrong but she just found herself saying triplets in the heat of the moment!

Billy has also helped AJ and Candi with some early counselling for their new relationship. The only thing is that it makes Candi demand physical fitness from AJ, which he just cannot manage, and inspires Candi to make more of the thing he most loves about her – her eyebrows, and she ends up, with help from Gina’s eyebrow pencil, looking like Ming the Merciless.

Simpkins is back in town and horrified at the changes Constance allowed his ex wife Rita to make to the decor of his hotel. All is forgiven, however, when Gina and Candi finally make Constance see she is pregnant – Simpkins is over the moon. But it is not long before darkness descends on his brain, he sees AJ trying to lose weight at the pregnancy yoga class Constance attends and he thinks back to the that time some weeks ago when Constance said she was going to help AJ get some sex skills.

Constance is devastated when Simpkins accuses her of carrying AJ’s child and desperately asks AJ to tell him it is not true. AJ visits Simpkins, declaring their innocence, Simpkins prepares to carry out his threats if this proves to be a lie.

Memorable Moments:

  • Reg’s shopping spree through Mothercare, followed by Simpkins’ joyous Mothercare trip later
  • Gina drawing on those mighty eyebrows on Candi’s face
  • AJ getting his tummy out and making it speak

Will Eliza confess to Reg that there are not two or three babies but only one?

And what will Eliza and Reg do now that Reg has spent every last penny??

Will Simpkins realise he really is the Daddy before it is too late???

Find out in Episode 17.7 on Monday 8th April at 7.30pm at the Wardrobe Theatre