Episode 22.3: ‘Tile and Error’

After Dick found a priceless Matisse painting in Newtown Pond, Fred has gone to sell that information to Simpkins in return for clearing his debt. (They also share a kiss, which they both find rather pleasant.) Meanwhile, as a reward for saving Dick’s life, Dick and Gina offer to give AJ and Debita the painting or redo AJ’s bathroom – they choose to get the bathroom done. Gina decides to make it safari-themed, with animals, a jeep-shaped toilet, and wall-to-wall lino.

Over at the pub, Simpkins and Constance are searching for the painting without success. Unbeknownst to them, Dick has turned it into a papier-mâché giraffe and stored it in the cellar. Fred realises that this might actually have doubled the painting’s value – in the cellar he grabs the giraffe but runs into Simpkins and Constance snooping around, and it breaks into pieces. He tells them all about Dick’s plan and leaves them to fix it – but secretly Fred has given them a replica giraffe and sold the real Matisse for £40,000. This gives him enough money to pay off his radio fine as well as leaving enough for Gina and Dick’s new home decoration business. A smug Gina tells Simpkins and Constance that the painting is now gone, not realising that it was actually worth millions…

AJ and Debita decide to repay Gina and Dick’s handiwork by performing a Changing Rooms switch in the games room in Gina’s house to surprise her. However, they get carried away by their passion and spill white paint everywhere! When it comes to Dick’s reveal of AJ’s new bathroom, it’s a disaster: AJ is scared of all safari animals and is too terrified to live in his house any longer. Debita finds him and tells him she thinks it’s time they move into her mansion together…and though it’s a huge step for them both, he agrees!

How will AJ adapt to living in a massive, luxurious house?

And will Gina’s games room ever recover from the ‘redecoration’?

Memorable Moments:

  • AJ’s reaction to the bathroom: “It’s so… different.”
  • Simpkins describing papier-mâché as “taxidermy for the cheap”
  • Characters meeting in the discreet location of Shady Warehouse on Murky Street.

Episode 22.2: ‘The Return of Old Elroy’

AJ and Debita’s relationship is in full swing, and they are already talking about children’s names. Meanwhile, Constance and Simpkins have asked Fred to host a radio quiz offering a free night’s stay to promote their new line of SPEDS – luxury beds at the Simpk Inns. However, the pair plan to rig it so that Fred speaks only to them. Constance and Fred have a (very brief) romantic encounter to seal the agreement but this sends Simpkins into a depression about getting old and unattractive. Constance convinces him that he’s still sexy and powerful, and he decides to change their plan and call in to the radio show using the voice of a complete bastard: Big Dick Johnson. They do so and trick Fred into swearing live on air, and then later tell him he has 3 days to pay £17,000 for the lost sponsorship deal with SPEDS, or he will have to sleep with Simpkins to make things fair! 

Across town at Aldi, Gina reveals to Dick that she is a big fishing fan, which luckily coincides with a huge carp – Old Elroy (sometimes called Old Elmore) – returning to Newtown Pond. They decide to go on a night fishing trip, but Gina first needs to retrieve her Uncle Rod’s fishing rod which she lent to AJ. However, AJ has since lent it to Constance. Constance tells AJ he can have the rod if he plays the earlier radio call-in recording to Dick and Gina – he does, and they believe that they themselves actually made the call! Gina and Dick go and apologise to Fred and offer to catch Old Elroy and use the bounty to pay off Fred’s £17,000 debt. 

On the pond, Gina, Fred and Dick get into a small dinghy to try and catch Old Elroy. AJ and Debita watch with binoculars from AJ’s house, while Simpkins and Constance also observe from the penthouse… and they see Dick fall in! Underwater, Dick sees Old Elroy swimming above him, he thinks the fish has a message for him…. Just before he loses consciousness, AJ and Debita jump in and save him. Back on dry land, Dick reveals Old Elroy pointed him to something under the water: Newtown’s famous stolen Matisse painting, perfectly preserved! Dick offers it to Fred, but he finds he cannot accept it and tells them all about Simpkins and Constance’s plot…

How much is the Matisse really worth? Will Gina and Dick get their own back on Constance and Simpkins? And will we ever see Old Elroy again?

Memorable Moments:

  • Simpkins imitating Big Dick, including launching into a monologue
  • AJ getting rid if Gina: “Oh look, a leopard print convention!”
  • The dramatic fishing expedition, experienced and witnessed by all the characters

Episode 22.1: ‘Eggs akimbo’

Whilst playing a knock-off version of FIFA down in the pub’s remodelled cellar / part Big Dick’s man-cave, Fred mentions how much Gina had enjoyed the breakfasts he made for her – back when they were having an illicit affair. This gets Big Dick thinking and he later makes Gina the breakfast to end all breakfasts.

Meanwhile, Gina is showing Simpkins the slides from her honeymoon with Big Dick at Ingerbells, near Scunthorpe, at the cinema at Simpk Inns Hotel. And AJ and Debita are down on the pier gearing up for a kissing session, but first they have a  lot of awkwardness to get through, not to mention AJ’s hang ups from his recent break up with Candi.

Gina and Big Dick were too immersed in their wedding day to realise best man AJ had chosen bridesmaid Debita over their niece Candi, but now they are furious. Later on, AJ tells the whole town how in love he is with Debita, and Debita feels the same way too. The Johnsons are just going to have to accept it.

Fred and Simpkins have been having a giggle at the fact Dick did not know how to fry an egg. Many innuendos related to breakfast spring up and they needle Gina and Dick so much about it that the newlyweds spike their beers with laxative. In revenge, the stricken two throw some of their runny leavings at the door of the pub, which Dick decides is fair enough behaviour considering the spiked beer and he and Gina go off to have a jolly good sausage and egg.

Will Debita and AJ’s relationship flourish now they have figured out kissing?

Can Big Dick keep up with that amount of breakfast for Gina each morning?

Have Fred and Simpkins discovered a new intimacy since voiding their bowels together?

Memorable Moments:

  • All the call backs made to Big Dick’s initial story about going into three different houses to rob porridge, eg AJ saying sometimes Candi was too hot, sometimes too cold, but that Debita is just right
  • Gina’s descriptions of her honeymoon slides and all the shopping they did at the markets there, not to mention the meat tombola
  • The scenes in the pub and cinema with everyone on stage and bringing the locations to life