It is New Year’s Day in Newtown. Gina and Candi have terrible hangovers but Gina wants to be alone to suffer in comfort. Candi is feeling lonely and unloved and after using some dating apps goes after a bearded maker of boats from Bristol called Adrian. Gina helps Candi get ready by layering her leopard print clothing on to her. Later, Gina gives Candi’s double denim clothes a try.
Big Dick and AJ are out for a long walk, but get completely lost. Things seem to take a dark turn when they keep finding themselves on a Bramble Close, and AJ even ends up being locked up in a cage for a time by a hungry old witch, just like in the story of Hansel and Gretel – he passes this off as a hallucination brought on by the cold and lack of food. Later on in the day, AJ and Candi spend a bit of time together and though they talk about how good it is to just be able to be friends, the crackling of their old electricity is undeniable.
Meanwhile, Constance Sugar doesn’t want the New Year’s Eve party to end, and stops the revellers that have bought tickets to the hotel’s big bash from leaving. She eventually lets them go but does take one of them with her to the pub in her mission to keep having fun. She bumps into AJ who scares her so much by telling her that Big Dicks famously faultless sense of direction has failed him, that she thinks it must be the end of days and she may as well continue to enjoy herself while she can… Later, after she visits an S&M sex club on Bramble Close, Constance reveals to AJ that that was where he had been in a cage, and that the hungry old witch had been her sex club friend Jackie.
Back at the hotel, Candi is upset to learn that Constance has renamed Simpk Inns Sugar Towers, so Adrian won’t know where to meet her. However, there happens to be a convention of bearded Bristolian boat makers at the hotel and Constance offers a few of them free drinks if they will sleep with Candi. This gives Candi a spring in her step and she returns back to Gina in a much more cheerful mood.
But what has happened to Dick all this time? He snacked on the traditional New Year’s vol-au-vents on his walk, as well as leaving some as a trail to follow when he got lost, but the mushrooms in these particular beef and mushroom vol-au-vents are of the hallucinogenic kind and it turns out he was on an almighty trip! Constance has eaten some of the ones he left as a trail and they both are convinced they are still tripping when they see Candi looking like Gina and Gina looking like Candi. They hide under Constance’s coat and hope it is all over soon.
Can AJ and Candi really just be friends?
Will Big Dick ever come down?
Has Candi now got a taste for leopard print, and Gina for double denim??
- Constance talking to the guests at her hotel’s New Year’s party, including the voluble member of the audience who became ‘Gwendolyn’
- Candi putting on all of Gina’s leopard print clothes on top of each other, with a big red smeary lipstick mouth added by Gina
- The way that, in Newtown, you eat different flavour vol-au-vents depending on what you want from your new year